tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post1648927852462416586..comments2024-03-10T10:34:02.181+02:00Comments on The Alliterative Allomorph: Part S: Short StoriesJessica Bellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-25575381476800319812010-04-22T21:05:52.386+03:002010-04-22T21:05:52.386+03:00Nicole, thanks so much for your wonderful feedback...Nicole, thanks so much for your wonderful feedback. I certainly see your point about making the intentions clearer. If I decide to submit it somewhere else, I'll try and work that in before I do.<br /><br />Wow, I'm thrilled that you liked it. It was my very first short story attempt!<br /><br />Thanks so so much! :)Jessica Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-63525087578654040982010-04-22T20:58:53.080+03:002010-04-22T20:58:53.080+03:00Jess, I thought this was wonderful! The narrator&...Jess, I thought this was wonderful! The narrator's emotions were brilliant: child-like, complicated yet so very simple. I loved the way those emotions were represented, often symbolically, and the way their themes bound the piece together.<br /><br />I loved the moment it occurred to me Russell wasn't a real person, and then reading on to have my suspicions confirmed.<br /><br />I do think this piece would have been a bit stronger if its intention were a bit clearer. When people argue a short story needs a beginning, middle and end, I think they mean those elements are what distinguish a short story from a vignette, or a scene. This was definitely not a vignette. For me, it was a short story. However, just a bit more structure, namely in the opening paragraph, would have put the reader on a path of discovery, leading to what was (I think) the point or message of the tale:<br /><br /><i>...I was just too scared to turn the light on, in dread of facing what I had to face everyday in the daylight, when I’d get home from school—a cold empty kitchen, and a distracted, absent mother to greet me.</i><br /><br />The voice was superb; it engaged me from the first line and held on tight to my attention to the last. Your descriptions were poetic and authentic, and reminded me of real life and my own childhood.<br /><br />Thanks so much for sharing this, and best of luck with getting it published!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01899768909313326172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-78075455840670211952010-04-22T17:54:49.618+03:002010-04-22T17:54:49.618+03:00Really enjoyed reading this. I don't believe s...Really enjoyed reading this. I don't believe short stories need to follow a formula. I love reading snippets of characters' lives - and that's what this was. A great read!Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-38891189496190348752010-04-22T17:54:48.728+03:002010-04-22T17:54:48.728+03:00Really enjoyed reading this. I don't believe s...Really enjoyed reading this. I don't believe short stories need to follow a formula. I love reading snippets of characters' lives - and that's what this was. A great read!Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-37671487933802629812010-04-22T12:06:34.225+03:002010-04-22T12:06:34.225+03:00This short story is fantastic! You wrote it so wel...This short story is fantastic! You wrote it so well, it's creepy sometimes, but in that childhood way, which is amazing. The details you used totally brought back my own childhood, and truly? This is amazing.Bethany Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829932931010851406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-3499536705995577292010-04-22T09:05:10.426+03:002010-04-22T09:05:10.426+03:00Sugar, Sarahjayne: Thank you :)
Mary: Thanks Mary...Sugar, Sarahjayne: Thank you :)<br /><br />Mary: Thanks Mary. I too am find of the last line :)<br /><br />Yvonne: You're so sweet. I appreciate your kind words.<br /><br />Tracy: LOL did you stick sock down your top too? ;) I used to do that! *blush*<br /><br />Marjorie, Jen: Thank you very much!<br /><br />Rayna: That's what I think! Really? Wow. I'm so pleased becasue to be honest I didn't think it really was that great! LOL I guess I'm too hard on myself ...Jessica Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-89644279037423481862010-04-22T08:35:05.697+03:002010-04-22T08:35:05.697+03:00when there is no beginning, middle or end in real ...when there is no beginning, middle or end in real life, why should we expect it in a short story?<br />I think your story is phenomenal (as was the other one you posted about the Australian girl in Greece inteacting with a man in a bar). And I know what I am talking about - short stories are my favourite things.<br /><br />~ RaynaNatashahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00481081735923606868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-57680163328951529652010-04-22T04:49:50.565+03:002010-04-22T04:49:50.565+03:00Wow what a writer you are!!! This was amazing, I l...Wow what a writer you are!!! This was amazing, I loved it! I could feel her emotion... and no this was so not weird!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-20086041888783340082010-04-22T02:40:47.959+03:002010-04-22T02:40:47.959+03:00I can feel this little girl's lonliness. You ...I can feel this little girl's lonliness. You did an amazing job with this story. AMAZING! If I could write like this I'd have definately written a book by now. This story just sucked me in big time.Marjoriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09958530958484080973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-22764783892732629522010-04-22T01:59:31.400+03:002010-04-22T01:59:31.400+03:00Great story, Jessica! I get sucked into little det...Great story, Jessica! I get sucked into little details like the Johnny Depp poster. It's things like that that make stories feel real to me.<br /><br />I can't really tell you my thoughts on short stories, because I don't usually read them often. I'm a bonder. I like to bond with the characters in a story, and short stories are over before I've had a chance to fully bond. :o(Tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03726858055689145824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-40266316763350366462010-04-22T01:35:32.752+03:002010-04-22T01:35:32.752+03:00I was mesmorised, this was fantasic. loved every w...I was mesmorised, this was fantasic. loved every word to the last.<br /><br />Take care.<br />Yvonne.RHYTHM AND RHYMEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11386975261804630799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-35257678991065245592010-04-22T01:29:50.415+03:002010-04-22T01:29:50.415+03:00I thought that was great. You had me right there, ...I thought that was great. You had me right there, seeing and feeling everything with the character. The last line was perfect.<br /><br />As far as short stories, I think they can be snippets or have a beginning, middle, end.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13267066733031149882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-9024090305353977582010-04-22T01:13:20.872+03:002010-04-22T01:13:20.872+03:00I go right down the middle. I think short stories ...I go right down the middle. I think short stories can have/be both. And I like this one a lot. :)sarahjayne smythehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02589820347348973092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-62115148980044681172010-04-22T00:54:59.839+03:002010-04-22T00:54:59.839+03:00that was great my dear!that was great my dear!Sugarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01847639596079213091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-71407422883750169852010-04-22T00:47:06.878+03:002010-04-22T00:47:06.878+03:00Thanks Donna :) I really appreciate that!Thanks Donna :) I really appreciate that!Jessica Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-75186843048301489622010-04-22T00:43:59.713+03:002010-04-22T00:43:59.713+03:00Not too weird. That was great. It had lot of sto...Not too weird. That was great. It had lot of story to it; a lot of loneliness. Very emotive. I could see this little girl and her imaginative protector clearly.<br /><br />I do think short stories need to have a beginning, middle, and end, but in a short story it does not have to be clearly defined. For me, this story had all three.<br /><br />It started with the fear of the kitchen tiles and Russell, filled in a reasoning for her need to feel the fear and gave good backstory, and ended with the symbolism of the tiles and Russell to her mother's cold distance. <br /><br />Very well written and engaging all the way through. Thanks for sharing this.<br /><br />.........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-40664422932180742892010-04-22T00:25:36.805+03:002010-04-22T00:25:36.805+03:00Really? Thanks Candace. I thought it might be too ...Really? Thanks Candace. I thought it might be too um ... weird?Jessica Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3315861630765119669.post-80281984387183485152010-04-22T00:24:18.089+03:002010-04-22T00:24:18.089+03:00Abso-freakin-beautiful! No joke, I was hanging ont...Abso-freakin-beautiful! No joke, I was hanging onto every word, which doesn't happen often for me. Amazing.Candylandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08956196611348299424noreply@blogger.com