Wednesday 7 July 2010

My last words for the week.

Swamped with work and deadlines to meet and shopping to do and bags to pack and bills to pay and scooter parts to buy and rooms to clean and clothes to wash ... *deep beath*
But all is for good reason because we are going away.
So that leaves me with this to say ...
I received a rejection on a partial last night and needed to cry but I couldn't because of an overwhelming ache in my chest. Not an ache. An emptiness. This emptiness made me come up with a beautiful description too, of how it felt (thank you Jen for the gmail chat last night). I said to Jen that my chest feels like there is a ghost inside it breathing all my air. My soul was choking me from the inside out. But this made me wonder ... what do I do with all this sorrow inside me? So, I sat on my bed and continued to read Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson and look at the beautiful paragraph I came across, just when I needed it:

"Our dream of life will end as dreams do end, abruptly and completely, when the sun rises, when the light comes. And we will think, All that fear and all that grief were about nothing. But that cannot be true. I can't believe we will forget our sorrows altogether. That would mean forgetting that we had lived, humanly speaking. Sorrow seems to me to be a great part of the substance of human life."

I looked up from the book and I closed it. I closed my eyes, switched off the light, and sat in darkness. In silence. Listening to the hum of motionlessness. And I thought, 'This is sorrow. I can hear it hum around me and brush against my skin. The sorrow that keeps my senses alive. I will cherish it. I will feel it and recognise it and consider it a vital part of my existence. I will enjoy it as I do the happiness, and then I will move forward. Because without the sorrow, we would never feel the relief. And when the relief comes, so will the happiness. So whenever relief and happiness are ready for me, I am ready for them. And in the meantime, the sorrow can follow me around for a while. At least to remind me that I can 'feel'; that I am human.
That I am me.

40 comments:

  1. Sorry, Jess, to hear about your rejection. Definitely can related.

    I'm pasting this post on my office (bedroom) wall for when I start querying. Great passage.

    Have a great trip!

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  2. Try to think of the rejection as just a way of know that wasn't the right place for your work. You'll soon find the right place, submit it, they'll accept and it will do wonderful. Then those who rejected it will wish they hadn't. Relax and have fun on your trip.

    Mason
    Thoughts in Progress

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  3. I'm always here when you need me Jess! Glad I could help and I'm glad that Marilynne Robinson gave you the words you needed to remember that it's okay to be human!!

    Good luck getting all those human duties done!!! ;)

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  4. It is true that because of sorrow we are able to feel joy more fully. The one defines the other. There would be no light without the dark.

    That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt for now of course, but I do think you've selected a good attitude to have about it. *hugs*

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  5. Um first, beautiful passage. Second, THEY suck for rejecting you. Third, I hate that feeling, I really do. I'm sorry. You feel helpless and silly for trying. You want to give up. But don't. Keep going.
    xoxo

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  6. hi miss jessica! im real sorry for you feeling so sad on getting your stuff rejected. you just gotta keep on trying. my cousin whos got lots of books published and some play and even two movies has a closet full of rejects and he keeps them to remind him to stay humble and never give up on something you love doing. your day will come too just like his did. you got lots of folks on your blog who care about you. me too! now just go on your holiday and have a really fun time.
    ...hugs from lenny

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  7. Awe sweets. I know how you feel. And I agree, the sadness needs to be 'lived in' for a little while before we can brush ourselves off and move forward. its a part of life and we do the best we can do. I hope you have a great vacation, and breath some new air!

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  8. Sorry to hear about the rejection on the partial. I had one of those myself and I know how you feel.

    Beautifully written blog entry.

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  10. Jessica, sorry about the rejection of your partial. Gosh, I know the feeling. We all do, but we keep working at it. That's all we can do.

    On a brigher note, enjoy your vacation!

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  11. Sorry to hear of your rejection. I hope your break with give you the strength to fight back and get it out there again.
    Enjoy your hols. :)

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  12. You express it so wonderfully. That lingering sorrow. Have definitely been there . . . and will be there again soon.

    Good luck with your work. We're all cheering for you.

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  13. Sorry about the R. I know it stings. But don't let it stop you from moving forward with your dream.

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  14. Sorry about the rejection, I know they sting. But what a beautiful passage. Keep your chin up and you'll find the right home for your work.

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  15. Rejections suck. Sorry to hear about it. But I like your silver lining - your next scene involving sorrow for your MC will rock.

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  16. Jessica, that was an absolutely gorgeous response to a gutting experience. You're amazing.

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  17. Sorry about the rejection.

    Guess the only way to truly experience joy is to experience pain as well.

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  18. Rejections suck so bad, so I'm sorry about that. The way you managed to pull it all into perspective though, was beautiful.

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  19. So sorry to hear about the bad news. You certainly found a way to harness that emotion though. Good for you. Hope you have a wonderful time away...you deserve it.

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  20. I'm sorry about your rejection, sunshine. I have no doubt they'll be kicking themselves at some point. But thank you, as always, for turning this into something positive. And thanks for the wonderful passage. xo

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  21. I want to feel all the sadness
    When my soul is cold and bare
    To hear a shout, turn my head
    And find my friends are there


    AlliAllo ~
    Just a note to say that I got your Email, and, thanks. I will reply ASAP (probably tomorrow).

    Until then, remember what Zimmy said:

    "It's Life, And Life Only."

    ~ "Lonesome Dogg" McMe

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  22. I'm so sorry about your partial - it definitely sucks. But really, if you can write like that, good things are bound to happen!

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  23. Sorry for the rejection. I hope better things are coming your way soon. In the meantime, I agree sometimes you need to live with sadness for a while before you can move past it.

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  24. Jessica, I am very sorry about the rejection. I'd like to tell whomever rejected your writing that they are complete morons and that you are brilliant.

    I'd also like to tell you that your writing is inspirational and I wish I were half as good as you.

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  25. *wipes away a tear* beautiful

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  26. You expressed your feelings beautifully. I'd be more concerned if a person were never sad. If you're always on a high, when you crash, you crash hard and it's a lot more devastating.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  27. Thank you all so so much for all your comments. I'm so lucky to have wonderful people like you around. Even if it is only cyber-round :o) But, you know what? I have way way much more in common with all of you than any of my face-to-face friends. You have no idea how much I wish I could meet you all!!!

    Love you all so much, and thanks again (with my arms spread wide ready for a group hug) for all your heartwarming support.

    @ Marjorie: Oh my gosh! THANK YOU SO MUCH! You have just made my day :o) Mwah!!

    PS: Sorry haven't been able to swing by your blogs. I just can't find the time at the moment. But once we're settled on Ithaca, I'll be sure to drop by and show you all how much I love and support you too! :o) xoxox

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  28. I'm sorry. I've been there. It hurts so much to get rejections. I think it gets even harder the longer we're at it.

    Try and have a good weekend.

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  29. I understand your disappointment. I've had rejections on partials and fulls and they're not easy! A form letter is a lot easier to take. The sun will come out!

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  30. I think you just proved that you're one of the smartest people I know. I mean, many people know that you need pain to appreciate the relief, but how many of us know it at the moment we're chin-deep in it! Most of us are just whimpering "This Sucks! It hurts, and I hate it!" I wanna grow up to be like you!

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  31. Keep postitive :-) This is part of the craft, finding the perfect place for your work. Your piece will find the right home :-)
    Enjoy your travells.

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  32. You are so right about the sadness, without it we would not know happiness. But why does happiness feel so fleeting and sadness feel like it is neverending?

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  33. Very well put Jessica. Faulkner said that, "given the choice between pain and nothing, I would choose pain." I won't say sorry for the rejection, because it sounds like you are embracing it, and understanding pain and disappointment to be a necessary part of life, which is beautiful!

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  34. Sorry about your rejection, and what a beautiful passage! Thanks for sharing that!

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  35. Jessica, I'm so sorry to hear you got bad news. I know that pain of rejection -- when it comes, it fills every corner of my being. I hope the sting has subsided some.

    Here's something that may (I hope!) cheer you up a little. You won my Vive la France contest!!!!! My daughter pulled your name out of the bowl. I did the happy dance when I saw it was you! Email me all your mailing 411, when you get the chance.

    I look forward to sending you off your prizes!

    In the meantime, know I'm thinking about you, sending you positive energy and love.

    ((hugs)) Nicole

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  36. Congratulations on winning the French Giveaway!

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  37. I saw you commenting today. You back?

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  38. I'm sorry about your partial rejection. Sometimes they fall on days we're not strong enough to just shrug off. Silver lining and all that. No failures just learning experiences. :)

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  39. You know it stinks that this is the way it works but going through the difficult, scary, sad times ultimately do make the good times all that much sweeter. Savor the sweetness!

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“I'm using my art to comment on what I see. You don't have to agree with it.” ~John Mellencamp

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