I'm going to give you a little example. Now tell me, which one makes you feel more stressed:
One:
The kettle boils and I pour coffee in my mug. As I wipe sleep from my eye, I lose balance. Hm … bit dizzy. This is weird. Gotta get that work done. My vision goes a little hazy as I pour milk in my coffee. Oh … hot flush? My fingers tingle and I shake my hand to get the feeling back. Cut-off circulation? It doesn't dissipate, and I drop my spoon in my mug. Clang! It splashes everywhere, including on my robe. I wipe it off with my sleeve.
Two:
Kettle boils. Coffee in mug. Wipe sleep from eye. Lose balance. Hm … bit dizzy. Weird. Pour milk in coffee. Gotta get that work done. Vision a little hazy. Oh … hot flush? Fingers tingly. Shake hand. Cut-off circulation? Doesn’t dissipate. Drop spoon in mug. Clang! Wipe splash off belly with sleeve of robe.
Number two is better, huh? Gives you that sense of urgency/breathlessness?
Have you ever tried this in your writing?
Have you ever tried any other style techniques to create a particular feeling? What were they?
Have a great weekend everyone! And welcome to all my new followers from yesterday's blogfest! Wow!
I love short sentences - my problem is always when not to use them!!! and then my long sentence go on for ever 'cos I like them also - think clauses, sub clauses and keep your wits about you reader!
ReplyDeleteI love a well-placed short sentence. It's funny how some of the shorter sentences can actually pack a mightier punch than longer ones.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a class studying short stories and I have to say, I agree. Short sentences are always the most powerful ones.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the comment and follow! Very honored. :)
I'll make a facebook icon later today, but in the meantime, I did add you on there! :D
For me its all about the writing style and the story. I love short sentences especially when trying to convey urgency!!! Thanks for sharing Jess!
ReplyDeleteHappy Thursday!
I'm working on using shorter sentences. However, when I'm reading, short sentences tend to throw me off.
ReplyDeleteI did this in the new wip! I only sprinkled it in now and again for effect and I think it worked well. Like Alex, though. I get tripped up when actually reading it. LoL.
ReplyDelete~JD
Oh, I don't know, too many short sentences in a paragraph makes me blink a lot. I like short sentences, but as pointed breaks, not as a continuum. Maybe it's my ADD. ;)
ReplyDeleteI've used short sentences when I'm writing horror or thrillers. It does pack a better punch in such situations.
ReplyDeleteIt took me YEARS to learn this. I tend to go for overflowing and ornate sentences.
ReplyDeleteKurt Vonnegut’s writing taught me to stop that.
You keep readers when you use short sentences. Especially online, where readers look for any excuse to stop reading and move on…
I do use short fragments. Especially when using first person!
ReplyDeleteTry writing drunk.
ReplyDeleteEr... I mean try writing to convey that your character is drunk. Now that's fun.
B
The Middle Ages
I like short sentences. But only if they make sense.
ReplyDeleteFragments can sometimes be more confusing than anything else.
:-)
Your example is perfect! I try to use shorter sentences for impact, but most of my time editing is spent looking for run-on sentences that need to be split. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
I <3 this post because I tend to write in short sentences. I've had to learn to make them longer.
ReplyDeleteI think you should use short sentences sparingly. Only when the moment absolutely needs it. If it goes on too long, it comes of like slam poetry, and I'm not a fan. That's just my preference.
ReplyDeleteI have done this and the best test is to read the text aloud to see how it sounds. You may not need as many short sentences as you think to achieve the desired effect.
ReplyDeleteI like mixing it up a bit. Hemingway had the whole short sentence thing down pat!
ReplyDeleteLove short sentences, and incomplete sentences. There need to be varied lengths at times, but I think short sentences not only fit for faster paced times but for first person, YA, and chick lit books in general.
ReplyDeleteI do this all the time, but, like many things, I think less is more. The example you've given here is a bit too much, it's jarring. Three or four fragments in a row, especially if some are one or two word "sentences" works better for me.
ReplyDeleteAnd you have to use moments like this few and far between, or it will wear on the reader's emotions. Of course, that's just my opinion.
I do this when the scene is intense and dramatic. I'll also use longer sentences when I'm trying to do a "calm" type scene.
ReplyDeleteI've tried writing short sentences, but there are a whole lot more of them after revisions/edits; I love long sentences (as is kind of apparent in this comment :P) and they often make up most of my first draft.
ReplyDeleteShort sentances are fun to write and fun to read. Sometimes you just have to get strait to the point.
ReplyDeleteNikki
I'm all about brevity! Most times I try to cut them down the best I can to eliminate any unnecessary words. I'm not sure why, and it doesn't make for very flowery writing. It suits me though, right to the point.
ReplyDeleteI think a bunch of them sound manic--a little emotional chaos, which is sometimes exactly what you want. I like to use it from time to time for character voice--to show somebody is terse or demanding. Love the idea though, of using it as narrator to add tension and emotional punch.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. I read a book that was all in short sentences. It was by Ann Dee Ellis. I couldn't believe how she could spin a tale with so few words, but it worked.
ReplyDeleteI love the power of short sentences and the way that the rhythm of our sentences creates certain effects. Short sentences are crucial near the huge conflict of a story to build tension and anxiety in the reader. It can also reflect the attitude of the character, the emotions that he/she is experiencing (ex: fear? stressed? loneliness?)
ReplyDeleteGreat post, thanks for sharing this. =)
Tessa
I don't mind short sentences, but unless there's a reason for them, I try not to overuse them because your writing can start to feel choppy. I tend to write long sentences though, so it's often a good rule of thumb for me to go back through and split up my sentences into more managable bites.
ReplyDelete"Rabbit, Run" has a lot of short sentences, I believe, and that works really well for that character and story.
Jessica, I'd like to share this post with every writer whose work I've had the pleasure of editing. So many times I've just longed for a short sentence, somewhere in there. Not everywhere, just somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI don't think short sentences get enough attention.
ReplyDeleteTh set both urgency and forms of emotions.
PS: congrats on the blogfest win!! :D
ReplyDeleteI have tried to shorten sentences to create tension, but I don't think I've done it as successfully as you!
ReplyDeleteRead my last post so you can see the blog love I gave you.
Like coffee, when used sparingly, short sentences have great effect. Oh, and yay Melbourne, my old home town!
ReplyDeleteI love short sentences. Unfortunately, I think I love them a little too much; occasionally I have to remind myself that one or two longer ones can really make a difference ;)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Rach
I am learning the art of short sentences. It has made a difference to my ms.
ReplyDeleteI personally like a mix of long and short sentences. I think it makes the writing more interesting.
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI do use this as a device in my WIP novel, and have been called on it a few times in feedback sessions. But it suits my character! She doesn't say much, and surely doesn't think in subordinate clauses...