Monday, 3 September 2012

I'm not a real writer because ...

I do not hear voices. (not even when I'm being spoken to, I'm usually busy.)

I don't get ideas when I'm about to fall asleep. (nor do I have a notebook on my bedside table)

I do not 'zone out' when people are talking to me while I'm writing. (I just ignore them.)

I always leave the house without a notepad and pen. (oops)

I do not purposely eavesdrop in public. (I accidentally do it.)

There aren't any 'plot bunnies' in my head. (that just makes me feel dusty)

I do not write plot ideas on my hands and arms. (that's very bad for your health, you know, the ink goes into your blood stream, maybe that's why you're hearing voices.)

I am not a loner. (okay, I am.)

My first friend was not imaginary. (though I did like to imagine I had an imaginary friend. Problem was, it just seemed so unrealistic ...)

I do not hold conversations between people that don't exist. (see previous point)

I am not an alcoholic. (In fact, I barely drink at all. When I say I'm drinking wine, I'm actually looking at the bottle in the fridge and wishing I were drinking it. I don't do well with alcohol.)

I do not mentally edit people's dialogue when they talk to me. (I just blatantly correct them.)

I do not have a favourite line from every movie I've ever seen, nor can I remember quotes from classics off the top of my head! (I think I gave my memory to my imaginary imaginary friend.)

I think writer's block is bollocks. It's called 'clearly needing a break'. (true)

There you have it. My confession. I'm not a writer. I am just a woman who writes (bollocks). 

Any of these things true for you? Come on ... time to dish. Got anything else to add?

PS:
If you missed my post last Friday, String Bridge has been picked up by an Australian publisher, eMergent Publishing, and will be out in paperback again this Christmas. I would really love it if you could all 'like' this publisher's FB page. They stand for so much goodness in this industry, pushing for emerging writers to have their voices heard, read, appreciated. All it takes is one click, and perhaps another one if you're inclined to share! You may know a couple of bloggers who have been published in their anthologies: Theresa Milstein and Len Lambert.

42 comments:

  1. Ha! I love it. How about these, then? I have no idea where my book's going, it leads me. I do not write thousands of words every day (I'm lucky to get a hundred). One of my books had a prologue and an epilogue. I hate anyone asking me where I get inspiration from (because I don't have the faintest idea).

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    1. I'm with you, Susan. I'm lucky to get a hundred sometimes too!

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  2. Haha, great list! And totally agree with your last one.

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    1. yup. I think many do, but pretend they don't. It's an easy excuse! ;)

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  3. "I just blatantly correct them." ---> HEE! <3

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    1. Hehe, it's fun being funny sometimes :)

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  4. Amen! Where is it written that I have to have paper and pen with my always? I am guilty, however, of the very cliche "imaging back stories for everyone I meet."

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    1. Shauna, I don't think that's a cliche! I haven't actually seen anyone say that ... so you're off the hook! :)

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  5. Jess, you have a great sense of humor - I smiled all the way thru this. You nailed us all!
    Karen

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  6. I used to go everywhere with pen and paper, but I only got ideas those rare moments I forgot them. :) And *snort* ignoring definitely is better than zoning!

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  7. oh yeah. A fair few of them are spot on for me. Especially the bit about characters talking to me and junk. I mean, What? No way. That just sounds so weird to me

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    1. haha, yeah, I often wonder about people who say they are hearing voices. I think they're playing with us! ;)

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  8. Gosh, I do a couple of those things, not saying which and I am not even a writer, now what does that mean. :)

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  9. And you can't forget this one: I haven't wanted to write a novel and be an author since I was six weeks old.

    Great post!

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    1. Laura, yes, I DID forget that one. And in brackets (I'd better get cracking) hehe

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  10. :) Great list. My favorite: I do not hear voices. (not even when I'm being spoken to, I'm usually busy.) My family has been complaining for years about that one.

    Congrats on the rights deal.

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  11. Ha ha, great list! I do get some spectacular ideas falling asleep (as well as driving in the car). But hey, no reason why writers have to be so exclusive with what makes us writers, right?

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    1. Absolutely not! We're all different :)

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  12. Jessica, that was awesome! I think that describes me as well. Almost scary spot-on.

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    1. Alex, really? Awesome. We can be non-writers together. :)

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  13. First, I'm so excited about the emergent thing!!! Woo hoo! That's so awesome for you and STRING BRIDGE! And second--LOL! I'm not a loner, I don't have an imaginary friend (the parenthetical), I don't mentally correct dialogue... *snort*snort* killing me~ :D <3

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  14. Now that I've stopped laughing and mopped up the coke over my keyboard and computer screen, I so AM a writer. Well, except for the imaginary friend. Never had one of those.

    Thank you for making me smile!

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  15. That was so funny. You had me nodding my head to a few of these. The biggest non writer thing I do sometimes is *lowers voice to a whisper* not write a single word on my wip for over 24 hours or longer. GASP!

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  16. LOL. Yes, several of those are true for me, too!

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  17. What made me really giggle right in front of my computer was the bottom part, in parenthesis! Hahahaha! This is really funny. I must say, I didn't have an imaginary friend when I was a child but I really did talk to myself in the mirror. I made up conversations. I won't tell you if I still do it now. Har har har!

    Thanks for the mention, Jess. It's truly an honour to be with you in the anthology, From Stage Door Shadows :) and to be working with the amazing eMergent Publishing.

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  18. Some of these are true for me, but some of them aren't. I do drink, but not heaps. Probably too much sometimes. ;) I do have conversations with imaginary people, but usually it's me experimenting with my characters' dialogue. My neighbours no doubt think I am a total nutter.

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  19. Haha oh god, I love this. I'm with you on a lot of these except I do have a few "plot bunnies" rolling around in my head. Except I so, so hate the term plot bunnies.

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  20. Every single one of these are true for me, plus some. :)

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  21. lol!!! That picture had me cracking up!

    I think half of them are true for me and half of them aren't.

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  22. Ha! I rarely have paper near me or think to write ideas down also.

    I may or may not plot to put people in novels if they're obnoxious. It's not revenge--it makes for an interesting character.

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  23. I didn't have an imaginary friend, just imaginary boyfriends. That's much saner, right? No, didn't really think so. Also - I dig that cartoon! :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

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  24. I'm not a real writer because ... I don’t write every day. By ‘write’ I mean, of course, ‘write fiction’. I do write every day and often for several hours but I’m not one of those writers who faithfully produces his 1000 words come sun, rain or shine. I don’t have that much to say frankly. My opinions and thoughts on most things that matter to me have been recorded and there’s little to add. If I was a storyteller I might not have this problem but I’m not that kind of writer.


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  25. I can relate to a lot of them. I'm still waiting for something glittery (in sunlight) to enter my dreams and result in a bestselling novel. :D

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