This morning I got an email from Australian Poetry asking if I'd like to participate in a live poetry reading event alongside musicians in Melbourne, Australia -- my home town -- in June. Of course, I'd love to! was my first thought, and then remembered I live in Greece. And now I'm all down in the dumps.
It's all just hit me really hard, today, that I can't exploit myself and my writing here. I just can't -- full stop -- unless I was rich and could afford to jump on planes left, right, and center. And with the economy like it is now in Greece, I can't see myself putting away much savings. I'm already determined to make it to the USA for when my novel, String Bridge, is released in November. I will give up every single little luxury to put away every single penny towards the trip. I also wanted to make it to Australia for Christmas, to see my family. That is not a definite, but I'm hoping by the end of the year, I'll have the money to do that too.
So yeah, I'm down in the dumps. I can't attend poetry reading events that I'm personally invited to. I can't attend conferences, I can't attend workshops, I can't be involved in face-to-face critique groups. I can't even find any WRITER FRIENDS in my own city! (Well, I've met one lady, just recently, and I hoping a friendship will develop there, but it's not enough! I WANT MORE!) Can I have my two-year-old tantrum now? Can I cry and scream and yell and stamp my feet and say ... "I WANT TO LIVE IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY!?!?!"
No, I can't. Because, oh my god, I feel so selfish -- especially seeing what is going on in Japan right now. And also because I just walked past three homeless mothers and children sleeping on the footpath today on my way to the recording studio and didn't even have ten cents in my pocket to give them. I feel selfish. And I should pull myself together. Because I'm lucky. We all are. And I think we have to keep telling each other that every day to put things in perspective. So, yeah, I've had my tantrum. But now I'm going to walk away and cook some lentil soup (because we have nothing else in the fridge!) and be grateful for my hot lentil soup, and roof over my head, and the opportunity to work from home doing what I love, and my dear darling significant other for putting up with my sulking, and for my family, and my publisher Janice, and for my wonderful blogging friends who I CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT ... and my dog (GOD, this is sounding like the Oscars). But yeah, I think you get my point.
Be thankful. I don't even believe in God, but I'm going to go out on a limb, and say, PRAY. For peace, and for mother nature to get back to good health, and for all the conspiracies I'm hearing about to not be true because that would mean human kind stinks. Anyway, I love YOU. Tell someone you love them today, and appreciate every minute you have. Do it for me, because I'm feeling emotional ...