I CAN'T SIT STILL.
But I have to learn how to, otherwise I'm not even going to realize I'm doing all the things I'm doing. I'm not going to give myself the chance to really engage my whole mind, body and soul, in the moments of life I'm supposed to love (that I do love). I'm always looking to reach a result, and forgetting to enjoy the process. I think that's because I've always got so much on the go, that I'm rushed to fit things in. I even pressure myself to read a certain amount of books a year. I've decided this has to stop. I need to pace myself. And do things at a speed that doesn't jeopardize my enjoyment. Sure, I have goals. But I'm not going to overload my list this year.
This revelation came about the other day, and I wrote on Facebook, "I know this New Year's Resolution is a little late, but today I've come to this conclusion: I can not be the ten different women that are required to complete all the tasks I want to complete, and I am no longer going to expect myself to be. I will be one woman. I will accomplish what I can accomplish. And I will not allow myself to feel disappointed if I have to let something slip."
So that's how I'm going to launch into 2012. No more pressure. And I'll remember to enjoy the year. Do you ever feel like you need to be more than one person to complete your daily tasks? Do you think that's healthy?
I got my first glimpse of 'no pressure' yesterday. And my GOD it was wonderful. I printed out 45 poems (drafts) that I wrote last year, to rewrite and/or revise for a poetry collection idea I had. After about five hours of quality time -- with utter silence, cups of vanilla coffee and my poetry -- I revised a total of FOUR poems. ONLY FOUR POEMS. Because I allowed myself to cherish every single second of it, savored every word I wrote, concentrated on the meaning between every single line and read them aloud to myself. I have a sentence in my 2nd novel about rolling a word on one's tongue to taste its sound. I thought it was a cool idea, but didn't really know it was possible until yesterday. It is!
I don't know if these poems are any good, but I do know one thing: I smothered myself in absolute JOY. How? Because I did not do it to reach a result. I did it for fun. FOR FUN. To enjoy the process. I don't care if this poetry collection takes years to finish. Because when I sit down to write it, I'm going to take as long as I like, and enjoy EVERY. SINGLE. SLOW. MOMENT.
I think society nowadays is so concerned with getting things DONE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, that we forget to take notice of how we get there. This is just so sad. Don't you think? Do you think it's time we learn to slow down? What's going to happen to the world when people forget how to wait? Or never learn patience? Disaster ...
You are always on the go, it's a wonder you have time to sleep.
ReplyDeleteI do admire all the things you are able to do.
Good luck with all of them.
Yvonne.
The greatest gift a person can give to him or herself is the treasuring of a moment in time. I'm grateful that's one thing I do pretty well.
ReplyDeleteSociety is moving too fast, and if it doesn't learn patience and develop an appreciation for the small things in life, it's going to fracture.
Great post!
I'm on the go too much also. And worried about the goal more than the process. Thanks for reminding me to slow down and enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteHi Jessica. I thought I had posted a really profound response and then discovered I had somehow deleted it. So this is the abbreviated version. Don't let anything get in the way of your passion for words and your amazing creativity. We can often be surrounded by roses but never really appreciate their magnificent scent because their thorns have diverted our attention. I reckon, look out 2012 - you're setting yourself up for one amazing year. I for one can't wait to follow your progress. Cheers. Jeff.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Jessica. So true. There are certain things that I hope to achieve this year and I will try and make sure that I enjoy the process! I bet your poems are excellent - if you spent all that time yesterday contemplating and rolling the words around I think they will be great.
ReplyDeleteI had all these voices in my head telling me I should do this, be better at that, try harder, try harder, try HARDER! After reading THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by don Miguel Ruiz, I learned that these voices are not mine, but came from what I thought other people wanted of me. These voices are now quiet. Finding our authentic self is our most rewarding journey. FYI - this is going to be my theme for my spiritual writer's retreat.
ReplyDeleteWe have to enjoy the process b/c the actuality of getting where we want to go is fleeting.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy writing your poetry!
ReplyDeleteAnd I've learned that the journey is often much more fun than the end result.
umm... yes. And no. :D But we share the same OCD problem. (Not everyone does. Can you believe that?!? ;o)
ReplyDeleteLuckily, you're able to see it and do something about it. Sometimes I can, too! :D
But yay! Here's to enjoying and slowing down and looking at what we've written and loving what we do. That's what it's all about, right? <3
"The more I do, the more I want to do." That is me in a nutshell. We need to be careful, though. Our enthusiasm is wonderful, but balancing that verve can be difficult, which can get us into trouble. (Psst...as I've recently found out.) Balance, balance, balance.
ReplyDeleteOh, I hear you. I so hear you!
ReplyDeleteMy resolution this year is not to compare myself with others; to be proud of what I'VE done and not put it down. I'm also going to have one social-media free day a week and just relax.
We'll see how long that lasts!
I'm like you. I often have so much on the go that I forget to relax and enjoy life or what's going on in my life. That's a great goal for this year.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the journey-- wise counsel yet so hard to do for those of us constantly looking ahead to what needs to be done next. Sigh. I'm going to try too, Jessica, I really am!
ReplyDeleteYay to savoring the moment! Of course, I completely forget about the moment because I'm thinking about the ones following it. Oops.
ReplyDeleteA worthy goal and good reminder for us all. Four hours with coffee and poetry on a couch sounds just about perfect. :)
ReplyDeleteI am constantly struggling to find the balance between accomplishing what I want to accomplish and giving myself the time to recuperate so that those accomplishments are the best they can be.
I think, like you said, sometimes that life is more about enjoying the journey than the destination. I am learning to slow down and savor time with family and other good things.
ReplyDeleteHave fun smelling the roses!
I tend to be on the go a lot as well. Bit I agree that it's nice to enjoy the journey.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had that joy, Jess. You've done so much lately, and should be proud--and you deserve to have fun! Best wishes on the destination of those poems.
ReplyDeletei think it's hard, too, when you read about other people's successes and you want so bad to be there too that it really lights a fire under you. For better or worse
ReplyDeleteI wear so many hats I often forget who I am! Some days, I don't even think about the destination - I'm just busy traveling the road.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations. You've taken your first step into a larger world.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. It never seems to end. School begins again in 13 days, so I am cramming in writing all the time. I hardly let myself relax. But it's perseverance, right? And often I am enjoying it. Mostly.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it all!
I totally agree; I'm making more of an effort to be in-the-moment lately, especially as a parent. I'll bet those poems read better for the TLC invested. I have a new space at http://will-somewhatepic.blogspot.com My Jan 1 post explains why. Talk to ya soon!
ReplyDeleteThere is a great message in this post! Thanks for sharing it Jessica. I also agree that rushing for the sake of just getting things done isn't always the best idea. For me, I can happily rush a first draft, but in the revision stages I'm going to be way more painstaking.
ReplyDeleteLast week I also took more time than usual to record one of my songs. I actually left it alone before it was done, then came back to it another night and finished. For me, that's unusual. But I was quite happy with the result. However I'll more than likely re-record the song before publishing. ;)
You already know how much I adore this post, so I won't say much here except that it's brilliant and I agree about slowing down. It's my goal for 2012.
ReplyDeleteIt's so important to have this conversation with ourselves, to give ourselves permission to enjoy the passion that got us to this point in our writing lives. It's hard when we see other writers succeeding with new manuscripts, and my urge at least is to push myself to spit out my latest products. But quantity over quality results only in a lot of stress and a poor representation of my craft. I'm with you: take on only what we can accomplish while enjoying every minute of the ride. Awesome advice!
ReplyDeleteInteresting and so true. I wish I knew how to slow down. Gonna try though before I burn myself out.
ReplyDeleteAwareness is the first step toward change both within and without.
ReplyDelete