Thursday, 19 January 2012

If you really knew me ...

Thank you to Tess Hilmo for starting this little idea of "If you really knew me..." and to Michelle Davidson Argyle for bringing it to my attention!
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If you really knew me, you'd know that I was bullied all throughout school, until I turned 16 and started to look like a bully myself. I wasn't one, but I think my Gothic appearance scared people off ...

If you really knew me, you'd know that it's an uphill vertical cliff face battle for me to get up in the morning, and it takes about an hour for my brain to start functioning properly.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I hardly leave the house because I work from home, and that I often work in my pyjamas. And I hate myself for not getting dressed and feeling like a slob.

If you really knew me, you'd know that sometimes I struggle in social situations, but you wouldn't see a struggle because I'm great at pretending I'm totally fine.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I say yes to everything and then figure out how I'm going to fit it into my schedule later, and then realise that I can't really fit it in and end up sitting at my computer until midnight. This is going to stop this year.

If you really knew me, you'd know that despite having 'accomplished' some great things, I still feel like I haven't accomplished anything, and therefore push myself too hard.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I break out in tears when I'm overtired. And I'm often overtired.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I want to help every single person who asks for it, and feel terrible if I can't.

If you really knew me, you'd know that when I'm hurting, I put up a wall which makes people think I'm heartless and cold and don't give a damn.

If you really knew me, you'd know how much I miss Christmas in Australia, and that because I can't have it, I'd rather not celebrate it at all.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I dread holiday seasons, and look forward to getting back to work. I think that must be an illness ... what do you think?

PS: My poetry book, TWISTED VELVET CHAINS, is now available on Kindle for only $0.99!!! (Amazon US, Amazon UK) Please, please, do me a favour and spread the word for me!?! Thank you!

If I really knew you ... what would I know?

33 comments:

  1. Thanks for letting me "knew you" better. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the ability to say, "no" to people. It's taken me years to do this without guilt. I'll say things like, "I'd love to help, but I'm swamped and don't think I'd do a good job for you." After a while, they quit asking. :) Also, when you get my age, you don't care what people think anymore. It's very freeing.

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  2. Over the course of the last six months during your book tour...and now this...I've gotten to know you quite a bit. I have to say I REALLY like what I see! :)

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  3. Christmas in Australia is certainly one of a kind :) I hope you get to come back here for a Christmas one year!

    I too cry when I'm overtired...and I've also noticed that if I'm overtired, everything just seems incredibly crappy in my life. Coincidence? Don't think so! ;)

    If you really knew ME you'd know that I can go from looking amazingly beautiful to looking amazingly fugly within the space of mere seconds! (in my own mind, yes, but it's amazing how one's perception of oneself can change so drastically so quickly)

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  4. I knew most of that stuff, because I really know you.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm pretty much just as awesome as I seem.

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  5. (Matt's comment cracked me up!) This was fun to read, though I too feel like I already know you well. If you knew me, you'd know my heart soars when I'm walking all alone outdoors -- particularly along the seashore, through the woods, or down a country road.

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  6. I already knew you were an awesome person, Jessica! And I share your feelings of non-accomplishment.

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  7. If you really knew me you would't want to.

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  8. Loved this! I've fallen WAY behind on reading blogs, but I'm trying to make the rounds today. This is the first I've heard of this IF YOU KNEW ME, but it's awesome.

    "If you really knew me, you'd know that sometimes I struggle in social situations, but you wouldn't see a struggle because I'm great at pretending I'm totally fine."

    Ditto. ;)

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  9. I love the idea of "if you really knew me" because we get to know more about the bloggers. This one made me sad,though, because you are so darned hard on yourself. You are wonderful and are accomplishing wonderful things. What would it take to make you feel accomplished?
    Blessings,
    Karen

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  10. Great post! I love getting to know my fellow artists, and I think you're a lot like me. I don't work at home, but still, I hardly leave the house. LOL. And I live in my PJs when I'm at home. If you really knew me, you'd know that my husband and I are boring - we'd rather stay in than go out any day of the week. We spend Saturdays watching an entire season of something on Netflix, and we spend hours in our corner tub, soaking in hot water and bubbles and talking about everything under the sun.

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  11. Frankly, I wish I could spend more time in my pyjamas. I'm hoping for a Pyjama Day at work. I'm pretty sure editing is supposed to be done that way, with bedhead and lots of coffee.

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  12. How raw and beautiful, Jessica! I also cry when I'm overtired and the walls I put up...*sighs* China has nothing on me. there's nothing wrong with giving until it hurts, but there really does come a time when you have to say no--no matter how painful that is. The people that love you will understand. this post just goes to show how strong, caring, and awesome you really are!

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  13. i'm right there with you regarding the working from home. Though i do get dressed. But by get dressed i mean i shower and put on a bra and sweats. So not really pajamas, but still not fit for public clothes

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  14. Well of course I knew all this, darling, since we are pretty much soul twins :-) Should be interesting to see how you manage 5 am wake-up calls in the house of chaos this February :-P <3

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  15. I think a lot of this comes through in getting to know you, Jessica!

    We should start a support group for the people-who-have-done-good-things-but-still-feel-like-they-haven't-accomplished-anything. I think you know me well enough to know I am in the club with you.

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  16. If you really knew me, you'd know I actually do care about what other people think, even though I say I don't. It's my way of trying to convince myself not to care.

    And I'm right there with many of your own admissions (though I spell pyjamas "pajamas," which makes them decidedly less fun).

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  17. I totally understand you, cause many of those we have common. But I'm not that brave, to let others know these things about me...

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  18. I love the honesty of these posts...really meaningful and beautiful. Thanks for sharing in the idea - so glad to get a peek inside the real you :)

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  19. Great list! And dude, I love holidays but there's something to be said about a schedule.

    Also, I'm jealous you get to work in your pj's. I'd do that everyday if I could.

    Congrats on the poetry book!

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  20. What I do know about you Jessica is your a very talented person and one with a heart of gold.
    Good luck with your book will certainly spread the news.
    Could you do the same for me?

    Mine is called Written From The Heart and is out on both Amazon US and Amazon UK. I felt honoured that Alex wrote on the bottom of my blurb.

    Yvonne.

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  21. Nice to know you. I put up a wall too

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  22. Oh, this is beautiful! Really! There are a lot of things (A LOT!) here that I can relate to. The staying at home all and day feeling a slob one is one of them!

    Thank you so much for doing this. :)

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  23. I'm with you on so many of these things! Including the learning to say no. Yes, it will happen. It will! See, I can say yes...

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  24. I think if we scratched the surface of anyone we'd be surprised what we find.

    I can so understand the wall and thankfully, I've learned the art of saying know.

    I still think you're a lovely woman with some wonderful talents.

    Hugs to you and Holly!

    Sia McKye OVER COFFEE

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  25. Wow Jessica, that sounds a lot like me, too. Thank you for sharing. It's hard to admit some of that stuff sometimes. I'm with you on social situations. I put my acting from high school to good use :) Actually, it's gotten better since I had my daughter- she is my excuse and my crutch :) And I break into tears when I'm mad or nervous. Totally frustrating when I want to be all tough but all I'm doing is crying.

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  26. What a wonderful insight to you. Thank you for this. There's way too many things that would surprise people about me.

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  27. Brilliant, you've got some deep stuff in there lady.
    I also miss Christmas with my family... a LOT.

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  28. Oh, I'm SO glad I'm not the only person who does the break-out-in-tears-when-over-tired thing! I always feel quite ridiculous, thinking, "Come on. What's there to cry about? You're just exhausted, that's all." But it doesn't work!!
    Thank you for sharing so much about yourself. I do feel like I know you better!
    Um... If you really knew me, you'd know that in primary school I used to choose to sit by myself and read a book rather than hang out with my friends, which resulted in the "mean" girls calling me bookworm (which, years later, I can see is SERIOUSLY not such a bad name to be called!).

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  29. I am sure this wasn't easy to write. It is what I love about you...you are so real and raw. Great idea and nice to know you better. You are one of my blogger and writer idols. :-) Finally getting caught up and reading your book. Loving it!!

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  30. Just read a similar post by Jeff at Accidental Writer. This is a cool idea, to let others get to know you better! However, as I commented on his page, I think I'm exactly what I seem like in my blogposts and comments. I don't think this means I have no depth, but I'm incredibly transparent, which is something my husband appreciates. No dodging the bullet, hiding emotions and whatnot for me! If I'm depressed, I'll be the first one to tell you! Cool blog, glad I found it.

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  31. It's a wonderful gift to give - honesty. We all have darker shades lurking don't we? But they are less so when shared - heard.
    Congratulations on your book!

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  32. loved reading these.

    and i so so so get the tears at overtiredness.

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  33. you little girl who can't say "no," I knew you were a Goth, but I didn't know you were bullied. :o\ Toldja we should've been at the same school. I'm *cough* just a little older than you... :D and gah, I hear ya about the PJs--esp. when I *do* have to get dressed and go somewhere for work... :p

    I know you're awesome, you've accomplished so much, and this year, it looks like you're making an important decision. You geaux, girl! You can do it~ ((big squeezes))

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“I'm using my art to comment on what I see. You don't have to agree with it.” ~John Mellencamp

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace” ~Judith S. Marin

“I don't ever try to make a serious social comment.” ~Paul McCartney

“I'd make a comment at a meeting and nobody would even acknowledge me. Then some man would say the same thing and they'd all nod.” ~Charlotte Bunch

“Probably what my comment meant was that I don't care about the circumstances if I can tell the truth.” ~Sally Kirkland

“We're not going to pay attention to the silliness and the petty comments. And quite frankly, women have joined me in this effort, and so it's not about appearances. It's about effectiveness.” ~Katherine Harris