Monday, 12 September 2011

Opinions please! :o)

So I've written a press release for the soundtrack to String Bridge as I'm planning to push it here in Greece separately from the book as well. I've never had to write press material for music myself before, my mother always did it, being the experienced band manager in the family (she managed her own band). So I'd love your opinions! Those with music industry experience, don't be afraid to tell me it's crap ... :o)

CLICK IMAGE TO READ TEXT

PS: A writing skills book I wrote for English Language Teaching was just delivered to my door and I'm a tad excited about that too. I don't usually get excited over ELT stuff I've written, but there's something about this book that puts a little sparkle in my eye. Probably has to do with the wonderful editor I worked with at Hellenic American Union. So, thanks, Vicky! :o)

40 comments:

  1. I like it. And I love your picture!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like this! However, I would leave out the years of the bands and the work. You could probably leave out the length of time for spAnk and why it no longer worked as well. These two parts are dry and bog down the reader because they read a bit too much like a job resume. Hope that makes sense. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Melissa, I see your point there, but I do want it to be clear that I'm not just any old lass who suddenly decided to pick up a guitar and bash out a couple of tunes. Want to show some history there. If you've got any alternative suggestions on how to show that, fire away! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I personally love it. I have of course have no musical background so I can't offer expertise, however I enjoyed the extra little tidbits of your musical experience, it led me to want to pick up the book more... (even if I've already read it, lol).

    Love the picture of you! You're gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've never seen a music press release before, so it sounds good to me. You're lucky to have your mom as a resource. :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love it. There is so much flavor in this, if that makes sense. I really like all the band names, too. Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Jess, I was in PR for 30+ years and wrote scads of press releases, but never for the music industry, so I don't know if it's different or not. But what worked in press releases was hitting them with the who what where when why in the first paragraph, then the background info next. So I would punch up the headline a bit, definitely shorten it and put what is exciting and innovating about your album tied in with your novel right up at the top. Hope this helps.
    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sounds logical to me, Karen. I'll give it a whirl :o)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think it's excellent and your picture is beautiful also.

    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think this looks great--I think Melissa's point is good--I hear you on wanting to establish yourself as a musician that has been around and working, but I think VAGUE on years and why it stopped might read a little more smoothly. Saying what you DID is great... but there, I think the 'what' is enough, and then the specifics just on the 'most recently...'

    The other thing is your very first sentence--the header--would read most smoothly as two sentences... at 'which' I would put a period and start with 'The album' (do they still call them albums?)--I just don't think you want to lead off with that complex a sentence. [I haven't done music, but have done PR]

    ReplyDelete
  11. Looks good to me! And I love your pic. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow, it's really, really great! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  13. The only thing I'd change is the beginning where you talk about your mother. I think you have enough music experience in this that you don't need to add your mother's to it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The connection will be good though here in Greece. There are quite a few Hard Candy fanatics in Athens believe it or not!

    ReplyDelete
  15. It looks good to me! Except for the font used in the album title. It may just be the way it displays on my monitor, and it would look better as a hard copy, but it's hard for me to read.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Over all good. I do agree with those who felt the first paragraph could use some revision. Delete "semi-famous" and hype yourself and experience. Readers don't need to know anything remotely negative about your previous band experience--just say what it was and don't necessarily date anything.

    The change in fonts also caught my attention. It looks kind of cool, but for a press release it might be a little too gimmicky.

    I think you're gonna do well with the upcoming releases. This is exciting.


    Lee
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
  18. My God, you're a busy gal! It looks good to me - I wonder if you need to put a quote in there from you, so papers can just lift one directly from there instead of ringing you up.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think it’s all a great idea. I do however agree with some of the comments already made. Maybe you could say your group were together for a number of years?

    Also, for what it’s worth, perhaps instead of saying Hard Candy were/are semi-famous, you could describe them as successful?

    Lastly, for what it’s worth, I have just given you a blog award.

    Good luck with everything.

    The Blogger Formerly Known As

    ReplyDelete
  20. Agree with Arlee about semi-famous, use renowned or something similar, especially if you half expect people to know who they are in Athens.

    For what Melissa said about Spank, the over-explanation of the band dissolving, could be replaced with the date you moved to greece, thus giving a finite amount of time for spank and resolving the issue.

    Also that picture makes you look like one bad mama jama. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh! So excited. It's all coming together. *sigh*
    I agree with Matt about the font - it looks a bit fuzzy, kind of cartoonish. Otherwise, sounds great. I'd buy it...if I wasn't already going to :-) xo

    ReplyDelete
  22. hi miss jessica! i love anything you do cause i love YOU! :)
    ...big hugs from lenny

    ReplyDelete
  23. I think it looks great, Jessica! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  24. hey, girl. We can totally tighten and pump this up. If you want, I'll rearrange some sentences this p.m. and send it over. Yes? ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  25. Love it...but yes, tighten it up.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Looks good to me. I'm no music expert, but I do like to write, except when I get "your" and "you're"
    mixed up...:) lol

    Have a great week!
    Karen
    P.S. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  27. It looks great to me, Jessica! Great job :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. It looks professional and very, very cool.
    ;)
    I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. i don't know jack about press releases but it looks great to me. Very professional

    ReplyDelete
  30. Put the stuff in your third paragraph first, Jess. That's your unique selling proposition and your hook. Don't bury it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I agree with Melissa, you don't need to explain why the band didn't work.

    And I think you can eliminate the "But" at the opening of the third paragraph.

    Other than that, it sounds great!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thanks for all your comments!!! I shall be incorporating many a suggestion. Couldn't live without you guys ... :o)

    ReplyDelete
  33. I love it :) Looks very professional. Good luck getting it out there!

    ReplyDelete
  34. AlliAllo, my friend ~
    Hi! It's me, STMcC! I'm sure you're thrilled to hear from ME! Who wouldn't BE?!

    I came here specifically to deliver the following message:

    You have been mentioned in a recent blog bit of mine. You're now set for life! You can thank me in gold or Grand Marnier - your choice. (Me? I prefer the Grand Marnier.)

    But having stumbled upon this blog bit, I do have a suggestion - something no one else has suggested (which I'm sure will come as no surprise to you) - but it's something I'd not write publicly, and would mention only privately, in an Email.

    You know how to contact me, if'n ya wanna.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
  35. I'm late, late, late to this - but just throwing my tuppence to the wind, I'd take out 'semi-famous' completely - as either folk will know the band (hence they will think famous anyway) or they won't have heard of it - hence semi-famous is redundant. Apart from that it all reads marvellously - tons of good luck to you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Looks great Jessica! A few of the 'while's might seem a bit repetitive? Also, I think you should spell out Athens, Greece the first time you mention it, and then just Athens after that. Two tiny nits, sorry about that!

    ReplyDelete

“I'm using my art to comment on what I see. You don't have to agree with it.” ~John Mellencamp

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace” ~Judith S. Marin

“I don't ever try to make a serious social comment.” ~Paul McCartney

“I'd make a comment at a meeting and nobody would even acknowledge me. Then some man would say the same thing and they'd all nod.” ~Charlotte Bunch

“Probably what my comment meant was that I don't care about the circumstances if I can tell the truth.” ~Sally Kirkland

“We're not going to pay attention to the silliness and the petty comments. And quite frankly, women have joined me in this effort, and so it's not about appearances. It's about effectiveness.” ~Katherine Harris