In which I let it all hang out ...

Okay okay ... I'm letting loose. Just this once. I promise I'll be back to my professional self tomorrow. But today I drop some bombs and let it all hang out (you think I can add another cliché to this? Of course!) ... Today, I'm going to spill the beans without a care in the world. (ooh, look at that, two clichés!)

Well, the beans don't have much sauce, but they're beans nonetheless ...

I AM SO TIRED.

I work and work and work and work. And Vine Leaves and Vine Leaves and Vine Leaves and Vine Leaves. And I revise 2nd novel, revise 2nd novel, revise 2nd novel, revise 2nd novel (which I finally have a publisher for, but I'm not supposed to tell yet, WHOOPS!), and I Homeric Writers' Retreat & Workshop organize, Homeric Writers' Retreat & Workshop organize, Homeric Writers' Retreat & Workshop organize, Homeric Writers' Retreat & Workshop organize, yep there's lots to do, hampers, dinners, mini-van bookings, drivers, workshop schedules, following up payments, budgets, organizing tax dilemmas! CRIKEY! And ... oh there's that thing called cleaning (never do it) and laundry (rarely do it) and eating and cooking, wait, I need to cook before I eat, I should keep that in mind for next time. The dog! OMG, the dog, I've ignored her for days ... WEEKS. And there's those bodily functions I tend to forget exist, and friends I try to catch up with now and again in a hurried dinner near the Acropolis and go home feeling sick because I ate TOO MUCH AND TOO FAST and pass out watching who knows what on boring Greek TV, and what about my PARTNER, whom I adore, who I seem to perpetually ignore because I'm working and working and working and working ... when do I spend time with him?

*inward heave*

So what's the poster got to do with this? Nothing. I just thought it was funny.

Yup. Can I go to bed yet?

I can't wait till August. Can you?

A song I wrote inspired by a book

I'd like to share a song today that I wrote after reading, Oranges are not the only fruit, by Jeanette Winterson. I was inspired to write this song because the idea of being raised in a place, and an environment, that you learn to despise as you grow older interests me. It interests me because some people never leave - they conform to their secluded and isolated little world as though no other exists. Yet others will go to lengths to escape from it.

I'm sure there are many young women out there who slowly develop dreams that are way beyond society's expectations for them - not society in general; the society they grew to understand and hate. And I'm sure there are many women who find the courage to escape into the bigger, better and brighter world that they think is ahead of them - if only they could leave the wretched place they were brought up in.

This song explores the need to escape, and those that have no desire to be a part of what is expected of them, or those that find they can no longer relate to anything around them. This song represents choosing  freedom despite it's consequences. This song represents believing in yourself, no matter what.

Below are the lyrics. Below the lyrics is the audio. Have a read, have a listen. Then tell me:

When you grew up, were you desperate to leave your home town? Why / Why not?

In this town

There is still a whole road ahead

And I need to find a room with a bed

I knew it wasn’t my time to be wed

So I fled the scene alone and in dread

I thought dreams would hold my hand along the way

‘Cause I don’t dream at night, I dream during the day

It’s a dusty road and no one’s out to play

‘Cause it’s Sunday morn’ and they’re all at church to prey

Chorus

In this town

In this town

In this town

In this beat up old dilapidated town

In this town

In this town

In this town

In this beat up old dilapidated town

The reason why these folks sleep on the street

S‘cause they ain’t got no money and they ain’t got no food to eat

‘Cause the man in charge don’t like poor folk, you see

So they drink stolen booze and survive on things for free

Chorus

Oh I tired real hard to marry the boy next door

But my mind ain’t my heart and my heart weren’t getting sore

So I left at the chapel and I stole this poor man’s car

Now I’ll run run run run run from here so far

Chorus

From this town

From this town

From this town

From this beat up old dilapidated town

From this town

From this town

From this town

From this beat up old dilapidated town

From this beat up old dilapidated town

From this beat up old dilapidated town

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What do we women wish for?

Sometimes I wish I was brought up living on a little farm and all I knew how to do was milk the cows and collect eggs. I wish all I ever knew about the outside world was what I read in the out-of-date secondhand school books I had as a child because that’s all my parents were able to afford. If I lived on a little farm, I would grow up to be so loyal to my family that I would take over the farm when they died simply to keep it in the family. I would then teach my kids how to milk the cows and collect eggs and when it would be time for me to die, I would die content and satisfied with my achievements, because I would have achieved what I had set out to achieve. My kids would then take over the farm to keep it in the family too and it would continue like this for generations. My great great grandchildren would look at photographs of me on the farm and say, ‘Wow, can you imagine being alive then?’ That’s what I do when I look at old photographs of my grandparents. I look at the captured moment of happiness and that’s what lives on forever.

Has it ever occurred to you that the less one has and knows, the happier they are? The more one knows about the world, the more one wants to explore, and the more torn one feels. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact, it’s exactly like me, and it's called ambition, but I do wonder sometimes, would my emotions fluctuate so much, if I didn’t have all these ambitions that I can’t possibility do, all at the same time, and which make me feel like I’m not achieving my goals because there is too much that I want to achieve? If I had a simple life on a farm for instance, and never knew any better, would I be happier?

Do you think you would be more content if you wanted less?