I've had a couple of hurtful confrontations over the past couple of weeks and I feel hopelessly misunderstood. I walked away from them, after offering a logical and calm defense, feeling the sting of 'why now?' in my throat like bile. No one has ever spoken to me like this when I was an 'aspiring writer.' What's changed? Is it because I'm published? Have I turned into a different kind of person because of this? No, I haven't. So why am I treated differently? I don't want to be treated differently.
For some reason I feel like people think I am assuming some sort of superiority, or am just concerned about making friends to market my books. I'm not. I had been making friends online way before I ever signed that publishing contract. I'm not going to stop now.
I value the friendships I have made online. In fact, I have made some of the most wonderful and strongest friendships through this blog than I have in my entire life. And I would still be friends with these people regardless of whether they helped promote my books or not. The thing is, I am so excited to have my debut coming out this year that I want to share it. It is a dream come true. Why would I not want to celebrate that?
I'm doing everything possible to give my debut a decent kick-start in this crazy jungle of books without over-doing the promo and making people sick of hearing about it. There is a fine line and it's difficult to know where that is exactly. And I'm also trying to make it super easy on the the people participating in my tour. I don't expect them to remember dates. I don't expect them keep track of what they've signed up for, nor do I expect them write their own Amazon Chart Rush plug. I do all of that and I email them with all the necessary info. I have 90 people participating in my blog tour
and I have to know, and keep track of, exactly what everyone has signed up for because there are five different things going on: Reviews, print ARCs and PDF ARCs to send and email out, simple release announcements, 44 interviews to answer
and Amazon Chart Rush plugs. I am trying to make one of the biggest, most exciting events in my life run as smoothly as possible. Hence the rules and guidelines, and dates and deadlines and all that jazz. I'm just being organized. That is all.
On another, slightly humorous note, I'd like to make a few things clear:
- I am not rich. In fact, this year I'm financially struggling the most I ever have.
- I am not always happy. Life does still get in the way of that sometimes. This, however, does not make me any less thankful that I have my debut coming out. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to realize that it's actually happening.
- I have opinions. I like to share them. I'm not out to step on anyone's toes by doing so. That's just me. I'm an honest person and I like to speak my mind. I have never, once, shared an opinion with the view of causing offense. I've always been outspoken and I don't plan on changing that. I don't want to have to censor myself. I do not want to be fake. I will NOT be fake.
- I don't have a problem with swearing. I don't think that is a crime.
- I don't like it when people make assumptions about me. It feels like being accused of a lie you never told and still being punished for it. It hurts. A lot. And I don't think I deserve to feel like that.
Have you ever felt misunderstood? Why? Were you able to fix it?