Ok, well, this post has come about today because TWO of my lovely blogging buddies freaked a little, thinking that yesterday's post was about their MS'. Now, I'd just like to make it clear that I would NEVER publicly express frustrations about someone's unfinished MS. For three reasons.
ONE: it's unfinished.
TWO: it has been given to me to critique in confidence and I would never ever share my thoughts with anyone other than the author. That would just be totally betraying their trust. And I could never do that to ANYONE let alone people I've developed wonderful friendships with.
THREE: it's unfinished.
ALSO, I'm a very open kind of person. I like to talk about my feelings. It's me. It's who I am. I'm an in-ya-face Aussie who likes to rant and rave and not feel pressured to censor my thoughts.
BUT, I'm also very kind-hearted, and love my fellow writers as if they were family, and like to offer them support whenever possible. I also disagree with putting people down (whom I know and do not know) in public - which is why I DID NOT reveal the book I was talking about yesterday. I just couldn't do such a thing because I know how much it would hurt me.
So, yes, I'm a strong believer in honesty. And I WILL speak my mind. But I do take others' feelings into consideration. So, friends, you can trust that if you ever give me a WIP of yours to read, I will not talk to anyone else about it except you. That is a promise.
How are you with expressing your opinions online? Do you ever have second thoughts about what you want to say? Or do you come right out and say it?
I too would never write anything mean about a fellow writer, or anyone. And I too censor my blog posts all the time. But is that really being honest to my writing?
ReplyDeleteI would never write or say anything unkind about anyone, but there is a right way and a wrong way of speaking one's mind without hurting anyone. I went through a phrase where people could say what they like to me but if I spoke up for myself it was wrong, but I found the equal librium.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed reading your post.
Yvonne,
I tend to be way too diplomatic for my own good. If I do indulge in a rant online it's about someone I know in real life, but their identify is NEVER revealed.
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued!
ReplyDeleteBut before I go back to read yesterday's post, I agree it would be really mean to publicly criticise someone's writing, and it is, after all, only an opinion, however well-informed.
I'm not a writer, but I agree that those who put their work "out there" deserve respect.
Be bold and blunt! I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI used to be so careful what I'd say. My husband says I have a gift for bluntness, and it finally emerged again. So yeah, I now just come out and say it - hopefully with tact though!
I have no problems expressing my opinion on movies, that's for sure!
ReplyDeleteI feel like if we all pussyfoot around one another, then nothing is truly said or learned. However, as always, there's a polite way to say things that need to be said.
ReplyDeleteI think I might be one of the only writers/bloggers I know who's not afraid to write an unfavorable review on Goodreads. I never flame or hate, but I take those reviews seriously, and I want mine to be honest.
I rant. I'm honest (sometimes overly). It's me.
ReplyDeleteOn my blog I try and keep it friendly and fun, it works for me. It still fits my personality and my sarcasm can sometimes come off differently to others.
I love your blog Jess, the honesty, the rants, and I would trust my MS would be fabulous in your hands. I would never doubt your opinions. You rock!
Jen/Jules
I have a tendency to type, hit send, and then spend the rest of the day wondering if I hurt or offended someone. Because, you know how many people are out there living and dying by my opinion. I worry, because I really, really want to be a nice person. All the while admiring people who can express a negative opinion and then not trip all overthemselves trying to take it back.
ReplyDeletesigh.
I do express my mind but there area few items I don't talk about. Politics, and other people's writing. I never criticize writing when people put in on a blog post. I don't think it's the right venue.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I love that you are outspoken. It's one of your best traits!
I think public praise is wonderful and negative feedback is best left for private email/IM/phone chats. We all want to grow as writers (don't we?) and we all have room to grow (except me, of course. *snort*), but our self-confidence is seriously undermined when something negative is put out about us on a public platform. Published work is another story...I think honesty sprinkled with as much love and adoration possible is in order if we choose to review online a published work. It may not be all good feedback, but that's the downside of going public with your art. It's like celebrities being photographed in the grocery store. Sorry, but you can't choose when you'll be popular when you open yourself up to the public.
ReplyDeleteMiss you and hate that I have to be away from my computer so much right now. Off to hit the stores again, but thinking of you! <3
One of the many things that I love (and admire) about you, Jess, is your honesty. I know that you are sincere, have a good heart, and would never be intentionally cruel.
ReplyDeleteAs far as me online, I'm exactly as I am in real life, whatever that means. I tend not to get too deep or heavy on my blog only because everyone in my life (parents, in-laws, sisters, brothers, friends, co-workers) reads my blog and yeah...that could get messy. =)
most of the time if something is not my cup of tea I just move on, I dont comment but if something ever gets a rise out of me the person involved will be hearing from me personally instead of publicly.
ReplyDeleteGood to know I could hand over my MS to you and feel safe.
ReplyDeleteI think a little generic rant is fine. You didn't name anyone. No harm, no foul. :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you were able to ease the minds of your friends.
ReplyDeleteI pride myself in being diplomatic, but sometimes letting a post or response wait a few days ensures that when I do write something, it is not being unfairly judgmental.
I've got no shame and I always tell the truth - but I still agree, I would never say something negative in public. The only time I do is when a public critique is requested, and even then, if the feedback is constructive, it's not really negative anyway.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Despite my "ack!" moment, it was mostly in jest because a) I have pretty thick writerly skin and b) (and most important) I think I know you better than that. When I love a book - unpublished or not - I'm not afraid to shout it out.
ReplyDeleteWhat sucks about losing your internet access for several days is missing all the fun drama. Now I must go check out the post that led to this post.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I mostly come right out and say whatever I'm thinking...so long as it pertains to me. If it involves other people, especially people I might now in a bloggerly way, I do give it a little more thought. But then I still mostly write what I want to anyway.
I try to find a way to just say it, even if it doesn't come out right. If I can't, I let the hubs have a post. He verbal vomits with the best of them.
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ReplyDeleteI'm with Tracy. If it's about me, I speak my mind. I'm a little more cautious when it comes to others.
ReplyDeleteI would never discuss my critique partners books either. Critiquing is all about trust.
ReplyDeleteAnd to answer your question, sure, I censor myself all the time!
You know my thoughts on this!
ReplyDeleteAs an author, I know how important reviews are. I would never agree to review an MS/ ARC and then post something negative about it online -- Amazon or otherwise. It's all about karma, baby! :) I believe you can still be truthful talking about the positives rather than outright lying.. there are ways to express your opinion without being overly negative.
I have had someone say negative things about my novel online and I must admit it did hurt -- whether it was intended that way or not. Just made my own stance on the subject even clearer.
Sorry - just to add - if I really felt I couldn't find something nice to say about something, I just wouldn't review it. Negative eviews CAN be damaging to sales, especially on Amazon.
ReplyDeleteI'm not entirely myself online. Well, I am, but I really think about what I write. I don't want to offend anyone or turn anyone off. That said, when I'm really passionate about the topic, I'm me, entirely unedited. Like a few weeks ago when I posted on Amazon and the pedophile book. That was entirely me even though I was sure it was going to cost me followers. The same with today's post. I just feel strongly about it and that came out when I was writing it. I don't edit my opinions though -- those are entirely genuine -- just the way I say them.
ReplyDeleteI tend to be very careful. My blog is all about happy thoughts and motivation MOST of the time. On the days I'm not feeling it, I try to be careful about what I say. It's just so easy for people to misunderstand. :-)
ReplyDeleteomg, time out. Did you just ask if I ever regret something I've said...? LOL!!! umm. That'd be a yes.
ReplyDeleteAs for posting stuff, the nice thing about these funny blogs is you can actually go back and take stuff down... I was a bit hesitant about that book review I posted Monday. But at the same time, I don't think I'm going to hurt her sales in saying *I* didn't care for the book... I think.
OK, maybe I should take that down...
What was the question again? ;p
I say what I'm thinking, although I try to mention the other side of the argument in the same post--sometimes I add a disclaimer-like mention at the end, saying that I don't mean to offend anyone.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts me to hurt others, so I find what is positive or say nothing at all. Laura Ingalls Wilders wrote it best: Less said, less mended.
ReplyDeleteYou're very sweet Jessica! Never thought you were writing about someone here, just an unnamed author.
I am mostly an upfront person but there is a way to be polite in most situations. And yes, when something is unfinished, the only person you should be communicating with is the author. We learn from our mistakes and we need to hear that.
ReplyDeleteAs for published books, to each their own. I've read many a book that people have raved about and I just don't care for it. I like to think of books as pieces of fruit. Not every one loves pineapples. It's all a matter of taste. Mmm, now I want pineapple.
TMI is my middle name. I sort of just call it like it is, but I am TOTALLY with you on courtesy to my real friends... I have named names on books I don't like, but they are always well established authors, and other than the Twilight Series, which I hold in special esteem, I try to only do it in order to be instructive "this would have helped" or "this was good, that wasn't so good".
ReplyDeleteWith my friends? Not happening. I am not going to be DISHONEST... so I don't promise a review, because if i don't like something, I don't want to be put in a position where I either have to lie or put them down... And yeah... the critiques in confidence... so I think you and I are very similar, except that I am a little more willing to disrespect something already out there (but only when i know an author can take it... not with a debut or early work)
I try not to skewer books on my blog or other blogs (except for that sparkly vampire phenomenon that I don't get). Like you, I don't want to hurt the author's feelings.
ReplyDeleteGlad you got to assure your readers and exchange partners.
You never mentioned any names, Jessica. And I've never read anything you've written that is unknind about anyone.
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with being outspoken about issues and things that happen in the world/to us if the big kahuna lands on ya? There's a major difference between those two above.
I read an article where the following stuck with me: everyone thinks unkind thoughts about others now and then; you just don't say them. I don't think that's censorship, just good manners.
I think that's a good stand to take when blogging. Especially with fellow authors. If I was a book reviewer, then yeah, I'd book the title of the book. But I'm an aspiring author, and feel like we are all a community who supports one another. So I won't mention if I didn't like someone else's book- besides, what I may hate, another may love and I don't want to put anyone off of reading it.
ReplyDeleteYes, I worry a lot about this. Though I’ve not been fully forthcoming in regards to squirrels. (I fear reprisal.) I did a post once about a book with ten main characters and how totally confusing it was, but I too did not release the book title. I want to bring up the point and discuss it with others and get their perspective but not slam anyone personally.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of partial to your mind...so speak it as often as you like!
ReplyDeleteIts so easy to be mis-construed in a solely written communication, that I work really hard at being as concise as possible.
I'm usually careful about what I write on my blog and how I comment. Often I delete something when I'm reading over because I thought it sounded harsh or judgmental.
ReplyDeleteI think there's a time and place to express violent opinions. And it's usually NOT in a public forum. But I will also do almost anything to avoid confrontation too, so there's that.
ReplyDelete