A few years ago, I wasn't very open to making new friends. I had a couple of people I'd spend time with, and that was it. I didn't need any more. I didn't want any more. Sometimes I didn't even want anything to do with those people. Yep, loner at heart. :o)
|e-thiaki postcards - flipping gorgeous|
But over the last couple of years, I seem to have shed a wall. Not sure what kind of wall, but I'm am so much more open to letting people in and showing my true colours. Of course, I still have my down days, but they are becoming less and less, I have noticed. This is an excellent thing.
I often wonder if this simply has to do with "growing up", or whether it's a sign that I am generally happy with my life and don't care what others think. Perhaps it's a combination of the two. But isn't it interesting, how when we are unhappy, we push the very things and people away that could change that? It really is a chicken and egg situation, isn't it!?
Common sense says it's some kind of instinctual act of protection. But protection from what? Really? When we are depressed, what are we protecting ourselves from when we hide away? Because obviously, the shit has already hit the fan. What could possibly hurt you now when you're already feeling the pain? Looking at it logically it seems ridiculous. But there is never any logic to depression. That is a given.
This post seems a little unfocused, I know. There really isn't much of a point to it, or any single question I'm seeking an answer for. All it is, is a little slice of my mind this morning. Feeling analytical. Wondering why some mornings I wake up with a smile and others a frown, for no particular reason at all. I suppose it's just life. I suppose it's just what I am ... I'm a smile in a frown and a frown in a smile.
My smile is water. My frown is heat. My writing is rain.
Do you often wake up with unanswerable questions and scattered thoughts? What do you with them?