Thursday 31 March 2011

"...don't forget that behind an easy laugh is a real person."

A recent review of a self-published author initiated a response from the author that was sad, and embarrassing. I read the author's multiple comments and aggressive retaliation toward the reviewer and felt physically ill. I was almost in tears because this author's reaction, more than likely, tarnished her career forever. I'm not going to link to this review. I think it has made enough rounds around the Internet. Comments have also been disabled on the post. But what is lingering in my mind, now, is not the author's profanity and unprofessionalism, it is the very last comment on the thread, by a commenter named Selene Coulter.

She said,
"For everyone revelling in this -- a quick story. I had something similar happen with a colleague who ranted and swore at me. Face to face. When I took him aside in private he broke down and admitted his father had just died the night before. Me pointing an error out to him had been the final straw.
Please don't forget that behind an easy laugh is a real person. And you've no idea who she is or what might have prompted her behaviour.
It doesn't excuse her. But it doesn't excuse you either."

And THAT dear readers, is what we should remember from this horrible and unfortunate situation. The author is a person, who we don't know, and therefore should NOT judge. She made a mistake, and I think we should leave it at that.

You might also be interested in reading this incredible psychologist's, Sarah Fine, take on the matter. The post is brilliant. I urge you to check it out.

PS: I'll announce contest results tomorrow with my first A-Z post.


48 comments:

  1. Guess I'm the only one who missed that fiasco.

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  2. Yes, you're absolutely right with this and I thought same.

    The cumulative effect of permitted nastiness is horrifying... not to mention primitive... and whilst her response to the crit, as an author, was dire, it was nothing compared to the ugliness of what followed.

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  3. The unfortunate event was horrible to read. She will have no choice but to use a pen name from now on. The lady in question follows me in one of my blogs. She has always been so supportive. To me it seemed out of character for her to respond the way she did, so maybe she was hurting from something else. Shame.

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  4. Ahh yes. I saw what you're referring to and that comment is well put. There have been many times I've felt at the breaking point and it could maybe take something really small to push me over the edge that would make me look stupid. I feel for both because we really don't know the story behind the story.

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  5. I think I may have missed this also.

    Yvonne,

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  6. I'm just tired of hearing about it.

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  7. Amen! I was thinking the same thing. The way the author reacted wasn't excuseable, but the mob mentality towards the end of those comments was almost as disturbing. Sometimes one bad decision has a truly lasting impression. :o(

    On a positive note, this is the first time I've been here and seen your cover, with YOUR NAME ON IT! Yay, Jess. I'm so proud of you. Can't wait til November!

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  8. I missed the item in question, (what else is new?)

    Kinda hard to remember the human part when you are being ranted and raved at, but kudos to anyone who manages to keep a cool head!

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  9. Well said, Jessica! Well said!

    ~JD

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  10. Bravo for not jumping on the ugly bandwagon and grabbing for a nano-second of Internet fame. We all make mistakes and react badly sometimes. I'm going to keep the lady writer in thought & prayer that something good will come from all the bad.

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  11. I thought Selene's comment was truly compassionate, and I'm hoping people are more inclined to back off and show mercy now that the initial feeding frenzy has died down. I posted about this yesterday and a lot of people agreed with you, Jessica. It's important to remember this author is a human being, and in the end, she hurt no one but herself--and that is punishment enough.

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  12. at first i just watched it in horror, but that after a bit, i just felt sad for her. I just wished for her sake that she could have taken it back.
    And all the anonymous commenters are worse than her, since at least she stood behind her identity

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  13. Some of the backlash from the commenters made me embarrassed as a whole for the writing community.

    We are so much better than this. Or at last, we should be.

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  14. What a train wreck that was.

    But I love the comment you posted. I agree, those anonymous commenters reminded me of a mob.

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  15. Amen. And thanks for pointing us to both Selene's comment and Sarah Fine's post. It was nice to read some measured, empathetic responses instead of just the same vitriol over and over.

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  16. I missed it and I'm glad I did. Thanks for the honest post!
    My Blog

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  17. It is good to see the other side of her situation. The supportive comments.


    Glynis Smy (author)

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  18. I have not read anything revolving around the incident- but it was talked about at my college- word of mouth goes a long way- and well the comment you posted is very true, I'm glad someone said it.

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  19. My dad always told me that people act the way they do for a reason and he was absolutely right. Who knows what her reason was or why it created the mess it did, but I'm glad to see so many people choosing to look past it and show compassion. As for this author, hopefully she has a few good friends who can help her pick up the pieces and figure out how to move forward from here.

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  20. I was so horrified when I saw it. Not so much for the bad behaviour (although that was pretty shocking) but that sinking feeling in my gut that it could have been me. It's not that I've done anything like that, but because I think we're all capable of it.

    Good post!

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  21. I completely agree. You never know what might be going on in a person's life, and jumping to conclusions isn't going to help anyone.

    I'm glad you like Sarah, isn't she great?

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  22. Goodness that does sound dramatic. I'm glad I missed it all. :O)

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  23. I hadn’t heard of this (and I think I’m glad). That last comment is so true and on the net we get not facial or body clues that there is a deeper problems.

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  24. Yup, I read the review, Jessica, and a few comments, including those of the responding writer, and stayed out of it.

    Sure, the writer didn't exercise much self-control, telling people to eff off, but no one chastising her for that seemed be be doing much better.

    The internet is forever, folks!

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  25. I missed the whole thing, but this seems to come at a great time for me. I have been asked to review a self-published poet. My reviewing style is always upbeat, supportive and encouraging, but I also believe in honesty. This poet didn't use an editor, and probably should have. Blatant mistakes in punctuation and grammar run through the book. I have to think long and hard on how I will present my feedback. I may send my remarks privately, and let him decide whether he wants the review on Amazon. I would never be cruel to another writer, but my remarks (and support) will have my signature underneath. I won't say a book was fantastic and leave out the glaring editorial issues. Tough spot to be in!

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  26. I've heard about this but don't know anything about it really, but you make a good point.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out
    Twitter hashtag: #atozchallenge

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  27. I heard about this, but after the fact. So sad...

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  28. I liked this comment, it can be hard but it's always good to view a situation from the other side as well. On another note I saw your book trailer on Jules blog- Trying to Get Over the Rainbow, I like your blog and I'll be following you. =)

    http://tigeronmybookshelf.blogspot.com/

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  29. You're so right, I didn't see the response by this author or the review, so I can't address her situation. But I can say from my point of view, that a negative review hurts. I had a review when my book first came out that was so hurtful. I didn't sleep for days after wards. To make matters worse, there was only one other review up and it was very short.

    Then the author of the negative review started emailing me with apologies and we have to stick together comments that made me wonder about him. I checked his self pubbed book and found that he had multiple reviews that were worse than what he said about mine. I am glad I didn't respond to his review. Now I have ten reviews up, all with high praise, and this author is looking very bad.
    Nancy

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  30. The speed and intensity of the internet and "mob rule" aided and abetted this car crash. No one came out of it very well.

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  31. Great reminder, Jessica. I followed a link over there a few days ago and was fairly mortified on her behalf--I think my response was very similar to you... that woman is going to realize in not very long that she just burned a pretty important bridge... she will have to write under a pen name forever... that is to be pitied.

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  32. The author in question has visited my blog on many occasions and she has always been friendly. I don't know what pushed her over the edge a few days ago but I would hate to think that one day would ruin her chances forever. Well, she can always use a pen name!

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  33. How very true Jessica, and a beautiful way to look at it. Good reminder for each of us. Nicely said.

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  34. Wow; amidst all the viral trolling that this whole thing underwent I never stopped to consider that. I'll take a look at the link after this. Cheers Jess :D

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  35. You know, after she stopped commenting, I thought there wasn't any need for any more comments. It really was awful the way everyone jumped on her for it. And it kept going and going for 300 comments...I think some people were just as bad as her (and I saw a couple comments stating that as well). I would be embarrassed if I was one of those commenters saying nasty things to her. Yeah she screwed up, and yeah she was a total wackjob, but she stopped...and the comments kept coming.

    An important lesson learned- no matter what someone says about you or your book on the internet, NEVER reply. Vent to your husband or your mom, not online. It completely ruined this poor woman.

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  36. i need to 'get out' more; yet another diatribe i missed seeing...

    but so true, we, too often, jump to judgment, most unfortunately....

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  37. I did see this fiasco. It made me very sad. It was like a shark feeding frenzy. Sometimes the anonymity of the internet makes people forget that they are interacting with real human beings. What I did like was how the blog owner responded in his post about what transpired. It showed a lot of integrity.

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  38. Hi Jessica!

    I just came over from Sarah's blog where I first heard the news of this incident. Goodness, what a fiasco.

    I'm so glad you blogged about this commenter's words. They are so true. While it doesn't excuse what the person did, the fact is, no one knows what could have triggered this lady's vehement response.

    I hope all is well!
    Cheers,
    Jen

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  39. oh, man, Jess. I was blissfully ignorant about that whole thing until everyone started talking about it. Then I went over and read through about the first eight comments and just had to stop.

    That's when you want to jump in and save someone from herself... :o\

    I like this comment you republished. It's very true, and it is good to keep such things in mind. Lord knows I've had my moment before. ugh!

    I'll check out Sarah's post. Thx~ xoxo

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  40. Wow. Thank you for the powerful lesson here. I'm really glad yours was among my first stops on the A-Z Challenge, because you've kindly reminded me of what I need to desperately remember as I go through the challenge. That we're all people with real thoughts and real emotions.

    Thank you, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you better in the blogosphere!

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  41. I love your generosity of spirit here, but I've got to say, I am less forgiving. Here's why:

    We're writing in an AWESOME time. Twenty years ago,auuthores had less than a 100 high-profile review opportunities, and only interacted with readers on rare occastions. Now we have hundreds of thousands of review venues, and talk to our readershup everyday. All of this is a privelage given to the writing community by technological innovation and passionate readers.

    I am willing to acknowledge that people's actions can be motivated by things we can't be aware of. I am not necessarily unforgiving of this author (and I, too, read the whole interaction). I am unforgiving of any instance where the privelage of being a part of this community-- as a writer, reader, or reviewer-- is abused.

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  42. Shauna,

    The privilege of being a part of this online community was also abused by those who continued to kick the author when she was so clearly down... and who did so for their own pleasure - no other purpose was being served by that point; all that needed saying to the author had been said.

    Sorry, but their motive - the sheer sadistic malice of it - outweighed her stupidity by some magnitude.

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  43. Sandie,

    You got me! I was actually just jumping back on to say "you know, perhaps I didn't express that very well...I didn't mean to sound so harsh"

    You're right. Abuses on both sides. I think the reason I immediately jumped up against the author was that she escalated the conversation with some pretty intense language before anyone else, but you are absolutely correct. A bad example of the community on both ends.

    Thank you for that point.

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  44. Thanks for a thoughtful, compassionate post. I read the train wreck on Saturday. And while I know the author behaved unprofessionally, I worry about her. Especially after people posting fake negative reviews on Amazon.

    I'm going to check out the psychologist link.

    I also wrote a post related to this issue, if you want to see it:

    http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com/2011/04/reviews-and-responsibilities.html

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“I'm using my art to comment on what I see. You don't have to agree with it.” ~John Mellencamp

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace” ~Judith S. Marin

“I don't ever try to make a serious social comment.” ~Paul McCartney

“I'd make a comment at a meeting and nobody would even acknowledge me. Then some man would say the same thing and they'd all nod.” ~Charlotte Bunch

“Probably what my comment meant was that I don't care about the circumstances if I can tell the truth.” ~Sally Kirkland

“We're not going to pay attention to the silliness and the petty comments. And quite frankly, women have joined me in this effort, and so it's not about appearances. It's about effectiveness.” ~Katherine Harris