Thursday 3 November 2011

Of course, I got a little drunk to shed myself of inhibition, and I can’t remember doing much else than snogging and snogging and snogging until my lips stung.

At Melbourne Cup in the year 2000.
In my late teens I was a party animal. My year was not complete unless I partied and wiped myself out at least once a week. I can't imagine those years being very gentle with my brain cells, but at least I retained enough of them to keep doing what I love! ;o)

Then one year, I can't remember whether I was 19 or 20, I think I must have been 19, wait ... maybe I was 20 ... (looks like some brain cells are eternally destroyed after all ... I'm now 30, btw) ... anyway, I went way overboard. I was drunk every single night, for a period of six or seven weeks.

Did your jaw drop? Yeah, mine did too. I still can't believe I did that.

I loved to dance. But I was too self-conscious and it took a lot of effort to feign confidence when sober. So much so that I felt like I was torturing myself by going out, despite wanting to go out.

The alcohol took that feeling away. I felt free, to be the me I wanted to be, (or I wanted others to see). I got hooked on the feeling of being loved and accepted and the life of the party. Eventually, when I walked into a room, everyone knew that the fun was going to begin. And that was a high in itself! (Or maybe they were just smiling and thinking, "oh dear, here we go again ...")

But at the end of that 6/7-week period, something happened. I questioned why I put myself through it. It had to stop. Otherwise, I really do think I might have killed myself. It was then that I truly realized why I needed to wipe myself out in social situations.

I hated myself. And if I hated myself, how could anyone else like me?

Now, I'd love to say that I went on to develop a better mindset immediately after this, but it actually took another three years (without too much drinking, thank goodness) of being trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship to realize that I deserved better, and that if someone didn't like me, or love me for who I was, it was their freaking problem.

But now all is well. I don't hate myself. I respect myself, and my gorgeous and wonderful partner, whom I dedicated String Bridge to, does too. And I deserve that. We all deserve to be loved, folks. But I don't think that will ever happen unless you learn to love yourself.

Was there ever a moment in your life where you thought, "It's do or die?"

Participating in my blog tour today are the following brilliant individuals. Please visit these blogs and follow, and maybe even read a few of their previous posts! I'm hoping this blog tour will also bring more readers and writers together, other than just promote my book! Also don't forget to enter my 10-Day contest. Details below.

Bidisha Das ~ (Review) We are very newly acquainted, but she seems adorable and I'm looking forward to hearing what she thought!

"Obsessive compulsive reader playing hide and seek with her own inspiration fairy. In short, I'm one of those rambling fools let loose on earth who dream big of their own writing careers. I love iced tea, tattoos, watermelon, cricket, angsty lyrics and beaches. I'm currently working on a YA manuscript."

Bish Denham ~ (Review) Ah Bish Bish Bish, I think you are me, or I am you, in a parallel universe somewhere ...

"I am a children's writer from the Virgin Islands. Growing up there was like living inside a history book; an imagination stimulator. Consequently I've been writing for just about forever. I am a graduate of the Institute of Children's Literature and a member of SCBWI."

Gina Blechman ~ (Music Review) This gal is a singer/songwriter/guitarist too, and she has a mighty fine voice, I might add! Definitely looking forward to hear what she thinks.

"Welcome to my blog. Below you can find book reviews, writing tips, fun banter, writing related links, and excerpts from whatever manuscript I happen to be working on. Though the last theme for Kaleidoscope Thoughts was YA dystopian, in line with my last manuscript, Synesthisis, we have now switched to romance (of all types) in honor of my latest work in progress, a coming of (middle) age LGBT love story."

Karen Lange ~ (Blog Tour Love) Thank you, Karen! I have no idea what you're going to write, but please know I really appreciate it!

"I am a Christian, a writer, an online writing instructor, and the author of a how-to booklet for homeschool parents. I am happily married, have two handsome sons, a beautiful daughter, a lovely daughter-in-law, and an adorable grandson. I like to read, write, walk, and play with my grandson. My posts appear on Monday and Thursday, but I often post a random thought or notice in between."

Leigh T. Moore ~ (Interview) In which I talk about how being a musician helped me to write String Bridge.

"Writer, editor, novelist, mom. New posts on Mondays & Thursdays. Leave a comment, make a suggestion, stay a while~"

Melissa Bradley ~ (Review/Interview) In which I explain why I don't write every day.

"I love to read and write anything, but I'm especially drawn to stories with romance, adventure, suspense. Always with a healthy dose of naughtiness, though."

Sangu Mandanna ~ (Review) *bites nails*

"I write novels for young adults. My debut THE LOST GIRL will be published by Balzer & Bray in 2012. I am represented by the awesome Melissa Sarver of Elizabeth Kaplan Lit Agency. I also have Bambi eyes."

Theresa Milstein ~ (Interview) In which I talk about what it's like living in Greece.

"Hello, I'm Theresa Milstein and I’m certified to teach Social Studies. For 2 years I was a substitute teacher. I was an assistant, a day sub, and an ETS*. My students were preschoolers, teens, and ages in between. But now I'm full time, picking up my life exactly where I left off. I'm back as an assistant, writing each day, and taking Special Education graduate classes. I'm finding out that though the positions have changed, the hassles are just the same."

Contest details:

If you missed MONDAY'S POST, here're the basics:
  • You read the line in the title and guess which page it appears in the book. (people who have read the book can not compete, sorry!)
  • You write your guess in the comments.
  • On Friday November 11th, the Amazon Chart Rush day, I'll announce the winner. The winner will be the person who first guesses a number CLOSEST to the page a line falls on. If you guess and comment on all TEN lines (from Nov 1st - 10th) you'll have ten chances at winning the prize.

Please TWEET & FACEBOOK this post using #StringBridge!

And don't forget the Amazon Chart Rush on November 11!

Not going to be around on the 11th? Purchase String Bridge now via Lucky Press, LLC.


  1. oh yes I can empathise there - I was a very introverted mess of a teenager who had few friends and a desire to travel - too scared - dad reassured me - go for it girl someone like you who like to talk will find friends just remember to listen - he encouraged me to keep trying new social situations - travel, temp jobs - now half a century later I have many friends - think I'm an okay kind of person and . . .still cant do large parties - well life isnt perfect!!!:) one does have to like oneself before others can - one has to like oneself before life can be coped with well
    good post

  2. Loved your interview with Theresa.

    I was pretty wild as a teenager too. I had a troubled time at home and rebelled. The good thing is by the time I was 18 I was tired of all the wildness. Love the picture of you.

    Hope your blog tour goes well.

  3. I was at the point of suicide and prayer was all I could think of to help me. I know it sounds cliche-ish, but I suddenly felt warmth surge through my veins, and I knew I'd be OK. It was still a struggle to get out of two emotional abusive marriages but I survived and I'm finally happy. The journey of figuring out "me" was one wild roller coaster ride.

  4. I wasn't very kind to myself from the age of fifteen to about twenty three or four. After that, I stopped the self-destructive behaviour, but it took another decade before I someone made me realise I was actually worth liking.

  5. Great post about youthful decadence but where's your hat?

  6. I must say I was intrigued my the title of your post. What a wonderful read. Most enjoyable.
    By the time I was 17 yrs I had met the love of my life amd married at nineteen so I can't say I had a hetic teenage years, but most enjoyable all the same.


  7. I'm amazed at the awesome that's happening around the blog with String Bridge. Always such full of fun! I'm glad to be a part of it! I have a lot of clicking to do!

    PS - You're ADORABLE! Love seeing pictures of you!

  8. glad you pulled yourself out of that

  9. that is the cutest picture of you, and I'm very glad you didn't pull an Amy Winehouse... :p I had a "do or die" moment not too long ago, actually... but it didn't involve that much time or alcohol. I think if we don't have those moments, nothing ever happens. Yes? ((hugs)) Glad you're in a far better place now~ <3

  10. I'm off to check out what others are saying about you and your book.

    I've had a couple of those do or die moments. Being a teen in the 60s and a young adult in the 70s, things happened. If they didn't you were living under a cave somewhere. (Oh wait...that would mean you were a spiritual hermit... to whom deep meaningful questions were asked by hippies.)

  11. I've read through most of the interviews and reviews (some posts are not up yet). They readers feel as I do, they loved it.

  12. In H.S. Church/Youth group was the thing that bailed me out of all that depression type stuff.

  13. I hear you Jessica! I have done the same thing & felt the same way. My "do or die" moment was after being pushed down by a guy I was dating and breaking my arm. Moment of clarity - 6 years ago and since then have been on a new journey. A journey to myself & learning to love.

  14. Amazingly honest post. BTW that title would totally make a great song.

  15. Yes, my jaw DID drop :-P Nothing like liquid courage.
    Do or die moments - too many to list, but my husband would say it was when I finally agreed to marry him since I'd been engaged...a few...times before. Happy to have said "I DO" on that one.
    Love the picture, btw. Were you ever NOT cute?

  16. I love this post, Jessica! It's so true: we all deserve to be loved, but most especially by ourselves.

    Congratulations on the blog tour and book release! YAY!

  17. I commend you for pulling yourself from the brink like that. I'm really enjoying getting to know you better via this blog tour! :)

  18. Just read your interview at LTM's - it was fab!

    Hm... I don't think I've ever reached that point, thank goodness.

  19. That's a lot of partying. Very glad you like yourself now. You have to love yourself first if you ever hope to love others.

  20. Love that photo. It goes well with your post 'cause it looks like you're dropping the bottle. So glad you did, and that you found the love you were looking for (both from your partner and yourself).

    Page 120, I hope.

  21. page 3

    Wow, I can't believe you made it through six weeks of that. I'm glad you did and you found what you needed to be happy with yourself.

  22. Amazing post! Interesting how we self-medicate to feel better, but it ends up hurting us more. I admire what you've accomplished! And, I look forward to reading your book! :)

  23. I can't answer this question on the internet, but we'll talk about it face to face someday.


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