Ok - I'm posting two because they are really short. The first one is from my complete novel DEAD IN THE CORNER OF MY BEDROOM and the second from my WIP called CURIOSITY CURED THE KIT. Enjoy! Don't forget to check out the others, and the host @ Critique This WIP
From DEAD IN THE CORNER OF MY BEDROOM:
Right at this moment, Richard Viadro walks in. I feel myself blush and all the girls shuffle back to their seats. He catches my eye and approaches me. My body goes rigid, and I have a wonky smile on my face.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Um, er, nowhere, Mr. Viadro, just clearing up my space. I . . . uh . . . accepted the job.” I stutter, looking up and down at my desk, trying to gather some papers into a clean pile.
“Jane. Please. Richard,” says button boy in an almost whisper, as he places his hand on my lower back and tilts his head to the side.
“Sorry, Richard.” I laugh nervously. I move the hair out of my face, scratch my neck, brush some invisible crumbs from my clothes, and put my hands on my hips, “Ahem, er . . . I’m sorry, was there something you needed?”
“No, not really, Jane. I just dropped by to introduce myself to Jodie and Diane. I’m to return to the London office this afternoon.”
“Oh. Right. Well, have a safe trip, Mr. . . . er, Richard,” I nod, moving backward an inch so he can’t reach my lower back again—even though, guiltily, I’d love him to. I imagine him putting his hand on my lower back and pulling me close to his body, and in a moment of intense passion lifting me up onto my desk, swiping everything to the floor, slipping his hand up my thigh and unclipping my garters—
SCRATCH! I’m not wearing garters. I’m wearing my crappy white flowery panties that have been tinted gray after years of mixing them with blacks in the wash.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Jane. I look forward to doing business with you. See you a week from Monday.”
From CURIOSITY CURED THE KIT:
Ivy walks toward the man in the dark green shirt. It looks like Brian. It is Brian. She contemplates turning straight back around and walking home in the rain, but he notices her too soon.
“Ivy, hey! What are you doing here?” He’s clean shaven. He wasn’t in the coffee shop. Ivy notices.
“Got caught in the storm—unprepared as usual. Don’t you ever go home?” she asks, pulling out the bar stool and almost tumbling over when she slips on the foot rail.
“Well, looks like it was meant to be.” Brian smiles. She can’t help but feel flattered, and smiles involuntarily in return, looking at her shoes. She pushes her wet fringe from her forehead, completely forgetting it’s wet and how stupid it would look sticking up in the air. Brian’s eyes follow her movements. He pretends not to notice. Ivy flattens it back down on her skin, and then shakes her head a little so that it doesn’t look like her forehead has a slimy comb-over.
“No, no. Comfort beats looks any time.” Brian gently pushes her fringe back up, caressing her scalp with his fingertips. His touch, although quite fatherly, makes Ivy’s stomach tighten—for a moment, her breath stops. “There. That feels better, right?”
“Er … yeah, but let’s just avoid feeling self-conscious for today, hey?” Ivy pulls a beanie out of her bag and puts it on her head. Brian looks into his glass of Cutty Sark and Soda. The corners of his mouth are fighting the urge to chuckle.
Haha! Love the pic to go along with the first story. Perfect! You do a good job of capturing the tension in the scene too.ReplyDelete
Second scene also seems to concentrate on the self conciousness people feel when they are attracted to each other. Nice!
Oh wow I'm the first to comment! Yay me! (although I seem to be an hour behind you time-wise, it's still the 15th here).ReplyDelete
They may be short, but you certainly packed a punch with your two scenes. I particularly liked the "crappy white flowery panties that have been tinted gray after years of mixing them with blacks in the wash". Shades of Bridget Jones (in a good way!!!). So will she ever get together with Mr...er, Richard?
The second scene is great, too, and leaves me more with a feeling of sweetness and a little grin, not the chuckles from the first one. Interesting how these things evoke different emotions, isn't it?
Alltogether a fantastic entry, well done!
oh well so I was second. never mind.ReplyDelete
Wow! I especially liked the first scene with it's SCRATCH! I’m not wearing garters bit. Haha, it was intense and also made me chuckle.ReplyDelete
I'm so jealous you can write like this. I don't think my entry will anything as good.
Great stuff :~)
Loved it! Especially the tinted underwear. Hahaha...Hate when that happens!ReplyDelete
You certainly have a way with writing stories, I particulary liked the pantie bit(mainly because I'm guilty of doing just that) lol.ReplyDelete
Loved both of them.
Really well done. I enjoyed both of these a lot!ReplyDelete
The picture with the first one is fun but I wondered about the main characters age. The way she talked and the stuttering, I don't, something about it made me wonder. And I automatically added a "that" after "Scratch", lol. It just kept happening. Love that part by the way.
I like the first one a little more. It had a little more awkwardness and spunk to it. The second was still good.
I like both of these! Nicely done!ReplyDelete
Ha! The flowered knickers made me laugh out loud. I think we all have at least one pair of underwear that's all grey and wonky after getting mixed in with the jeans. Love it.ReplyDelete
Definitely agree that the picture to go with the first scene is PERFECT. I loved the line about her underwear at the end! haha.ReplyDelete
The second scene was really cute. Brian seems like a nice guy with a good sense of humor!
Loved them both, but the hotness level of the first one was just what the doctor ordered:) The picture was perfect.ReplyDelete
I loved both but the first scene was so cool, it made all happenings go on my head clear as day, as if I was watching a movie. Loved it!!ReplyDelete
Hey, Jessica! These were great. Especially the first one, you totally captured that fumbling nervousness, which ratcheted up that tension beautifully! Well done! Mine's over on my blog - this was a fun one :DReplyDelete
Crappy 'ole panties indeed! :) Great stuff!ReplyDelete
I really love the flower panties. I thoroughly enjoyed both of these. Nicely done!ReplyDelete
Jessica, it would seem everyone liked the "Scratch. I'm not wearing garters" scene. Me, too.ReplyDelete
How often our words/actions are direct opposites of our desires. Being civilized sure is no fun sometimes. Have a safe week, Roland
I liked both entries but the first was my favorite. I liked the chiding internal dialogue...the moving so he couldn't touch her...but wishing that he would. Also the line about the panties being faded...classic.ReplyDelete
Both scenes were great, but I especially liked the first one. The sexual tension in it was so thick it was almost raining desire. Love it!ReplyDelete
Nice entries! I also liked the grey pantie line and the internal dialogue of the first one, it made her really relatable. I really enjoyed the self-conciousness in the second one, too, you can just see her blushing.ReplyDelete
The first was my favorite! Wonderful entries! I laughed a few times and that is always a good thing. ;o)ReplyDelete
I am really enjoying this blogfest - such fun flirting going on ;o)
Visit My Kingdom Anytime
Big smile. Where are the black lacy ones when we need them?ReplyDelete
Fun read. Where can I get the book?
Your picture for the first story made it even more enjoyable!!!ReplyDelete
Oh and you definitely have the flirting down to a science... but you knew that didn't you!
Very nice! I agree with everyone..the garter comment was awesome. Thanks for participating!!ReplyDelete
I'll swim against the crowd and say the second one was my fav. Something about your voice made me think of Suzanne Vega's song, "Tom's Diner".ReplyDelete
This felt so real, like I was sitting a couple of stools over.
Mary: thanks, Mary :)ReplyDelete
Tessa: Nope, she never does get together with him, but there's a twist :)
Mia: Jealous? LOL we just have different styles. I couldn't write like you either!
MissV: Thanks :)
Yvonne: ARen't we all guilty of if? :)
Christine H: thank you :)
Dawn: She's 30 years old. In the midst of way to much going on in her personal life and she got caught off guard :)
Shelly: Thanks :)
L & L: Oh yes, and I have MANY! lol
Amalia: Yeah, looking forward to developing Brian further :)
Tina: Thanks :)
Clara: thank you!
Christine D: Thanks!
Roland: LOL too true :)
Raquel: Thanks! Sorry didn't make it to your yesteday. I shall stop by today :)
Sharon: 'raining desire' LOL thank you
Courtney: Glad I could make you laugh! :)
Jojamama: Hello! New face :) Thanks for dropping by! Um ... you can't get the book. I currently searching for an agent. Wish me luck!
Jen: LOL, funny isn't. I haven't flirted with anyone for about 5 years!
M. Bail: thanks for hosting!
Bryan: YAY! Someone who thinks like me. I prefer the second too :) I prefer the atypical generally in life anyway. :) Thanks for stopping by!
Hey, Jessica! Those two stories were wonderful! I really enjoyed the tension you created... Thanks for sharing!!! :DReplyDelete
Btw, sorry about my black on black. I fixed it, though!
Loved the ending of the first one. Too funny!ReplyDelete
Moral of the story..."Always wear your lacy panties & garters." Cause you never know! Again so good, so funny and totally didn't see it coming....You'll still comment on my blog when your famous right?? :)ReplyDelete
I enjoyed them both :) I liked her preoccupation with her hair in the second one. Very cute.ReplyDelete