Friday 9 April 2010

How does this make you feel?

How does it make you feel when you regularly comment and follow someone's blog and they don't reciprocate the act? Not even by a one off, 'Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog. It's nice to meet you.'

You know, I really don't expect everyone to comment all that often. I know we all have busy schedules, and there's no way I'd be able to comment on every blog I follow, every day, but I do try to at least once a week. I want to keep these relationships going. I don't want one-sided relationships. If I did, I'd buy a magazine or read a newspaper. Isn't is common courtesy to at least acknowledge a new follower? Even if it's just below their comment in your own blog?

It makes me angry, and despite it, I hold on to my dignity and don't ask why. I continue reading, and commenting, because I followed them for a reason. I like their posts. But, I do wonder how it would make these one-sided relationship bloggers feel if their followers started to decline because of their attitude. Because actually it could happen. It sincerely makes me want to delete them from my feed. I tried - I failed - so goodbye. I wonder, if one day, that's what I will do.


  1. I am one guilty of this. OOps! You read my blog, so you kind of know what I'm like. I check in to read yours via google reader, and hardly ever read comments. Why? Because you have such a way with words, and are obviously very educated. Two things I am not, and self conscious of. So, while I like the things you write, which is why I keep returning - I can't think of anything reasonably intelligent to add as a response...

  2. that should have said "hardly ever LEAVE comments" not read.

  3. Dee, you've left plenty of comments! Aww, don't be so hard on yourself. I love your blog, and who gives a toss if I'm educated or not. Don't be self-conscious - please please please. I follow your blog because I can relate to your voice. That's why I keep coming back. Education has nothing to do with it. I like your 'personality'!!!!

  4. I always try when I have time to reply to my comments. I forget alot though. Maybe I need the email thingy to remind me..
    Next time say "hey I'm here"!!! lol

  5. I'm like Dee. I read your posts, regularly (have been since this Monday at least), and have read a couple more than once. But often, there is very little to be said, which is why I don't say it.

    You are fabulous! But I do empathise with what you say

  6. I am guilty too. But I do try to make round and comment when I can, and I have let many bloggers I follow know that I'm getting them in my email inbox, so I may not always make it over but I am reading. I also did a post a few months back where I let people know that since I couldn't really follow & keep up with all the blogs that I had signed up to follow that I would be "unfollowing" those that I didn't read all the time and I understood if they stopped following me because of that. I did lose three followers but most have stuck with me and I'm trying to free up time to be more interactive and comment on more blogs. I'm lucky that most of the bloggers I follow are patient with me and realize that eventually I will get around to them and not to give up on me. When I first started blogging I wanted tons of followers & comments and it was frustrating to get followers who obviously were not reading, but then life got hectic and I understood, so I try to keep a happy balance.

    There ahve been many posts lately about followers & commenters, but this post I have liked the best. It's short, sweet & honest. I will definitely be back to read more.

  7. It's hard to keep up with all the blogs, especially if you follow alot. For me, it's not that I don't read them all, because I do. Somestimes I just don't have anything to say, you know?

    But I wanted to make sure I said some to you ;-) Please don't delete me from your new feed. :=D


  8. Sugar: I hear ya!

    Rayna: You've left your mark plenty! What are you talking about? :) Thanks so much for the compliments btw!

    Carter: That's so sweet. I'm glad you liked it. I too am guilty of neglecting people. There are only so many hours in the day, but I really do let them know that I'm keeping up now and again. That's all I'm really asking for. Otherwise there just doesn't seem to be any point.

    Justine: It does get a bit overwhelming. Thanks for dropping me a line! Your blog is great. ;)

  9. I'm a new follower of your blog (and many blogs for that matter), so I'm trying to be better with the comments. But I'm like Justine. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say, or what I want to say has already been said before. I've been trying really hard to visit sites that comment on my blog, but I tend to comment more on the weekends. :)

  10. Amy, I think once a week is fine! I wouldn't feel bad about that at all.

  11. *Promises to comment every (most every) post*

    *Rockstar hugS?*

  12. ROCKSTAR hugs and smooches and all the other stuff! (Whoah! - perhaps not all the other stuff - cause that would mean hot sex and drugs and rock 'n' roll right?)

  13. I feel the same way sometimes. There are few blogs I've followed and commented on for at least three weeks consistently... and nothing! I understand if a person doesn't want to follow back, but three weeks of comments and nothing?


    So, I've stopped commenting - for now. I'm sure I'll still drop in to those blogs every once in a while. But commenting is about a relationship (I think Elana Johnson made the point?), so if there's no relationship there, then...

  14. Great reminder to do unto others has you would have them do unto you. I know I've discovered so many great blogs (yours included) through the challenge that keeping up can be hectic.

  15. I've had that happen to me and eventually just stop commenting. I'm pretty sure it's nothing personal and perhaps they don't respond to many people. But it sure would be nice to touch base once in a while.

  16. Yeah we'll just start with hugs and go from there, haha...

  17. I try and keep up my relationship with my followers. I try and make the rounds on a regular basis. Sometimes I am not sure what to comment, but I usually find something.
    I read and comment on those who take time out for me. The others,if they have not bothered after 4 months, I stop visiting theirs.

  18. Talli: I feel you.

    Wanda: Yes, it can get hectic. This challenge has sucked up a lot of my novel writing time. But it's only a month and I've come in contact with so many great blogs, so it's a small price to pay.

    T.Anne: I suppose that's how we learn which blog we are really interested in reading.

    Glynis: Sounds like a plan!

  19. Hi, AlliAllo ~
    Well, I know I'm going to be in the minority here, but I usually am and so I'm comfortable with that...

    If I were to visit a person's Blog on a regular basis, leaving comments often, and they never acknowledged any of the comments, yes, that would bug me and I would probably stop commenting at some point.

    But there's a quid pro quo expectation in the Blogosphere that bothers me and which I am not willing to go along with. I've had this discussion with Arlee Bird of 'Tossing It Out' on a few occasions.

    I have learned from rLEE-b that to increase one's number of Followers it is necessary to fly around commenting on and Following the Blogs of other people. When you do, they will Follow you.

    But I don't care for that arrangement. I would rather have just two Followers of my Blog(s) whom I knew were Following it ONLY because they enjoyed reading what I posted, than to have 502 Followers, many of whom I suspected were Following my Blog solely because I started Following theirs.

    I am never offended if people choose not to Follow me even though I'm Following them, or fail to comment on my Blogs after I've commented on theirs. Authenticity is what matters to me, not a phony relationship based on a "You Scratch Mine, I'll Scratch Yours" scenario.

    I do agree, however, that comments should be acknowledged and I ALWAYS reply in some way to comments left for me on my Blog(s).

    Like I said, I know my viewpoint is not the one generally accepted in Blogland, but it's mine nonetheless.

    ~ "Lonesome Dogg" McStephen

  20. Hi Jessica,

    We are of like minds today. I made a similar post on my Friday round up. Personally, I limit blogs follow to those that I actually read. I try to make it a point to a comment once a week. If I start to feel that I am in a one-sided blogging relationship, I'll simply stop following their blog and remove their link from my site.

    Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. It's natural to want balanced relationships, even with Blog Buddies.

  21. I'm probably guilty of this too. :) I am a fairly new blogger so don't have enough of a "relationship" with many other bloggers yet. I would think I be hurt as you are. I haven't figured out how to get followers yet (at least that I know of) and am still figuring out the best way to keep on top of the blogs I love too, so unfollowing someone isn't much of an option (plus if I am following a blog it is because it is someone whose posts speaks to me... so I would most likely keep reading anyway)

  22. first of all i'm not a follower of your blog but came over to get your take on hell:)

    initially i wasn't too keen on joining the A to Z challenge but because i really wasn't all that thrilled about gaining followers since i write from the heart...wide open. told Arlee as well that i'd prefer to have 2-3 real friends then be in a crowd of strangers. only follow blogs that interest me and will not reciprocate being a follower just because they follow me. as to leaving comments, i have followers that never leave comments and never answer those i have left.

    have one follower that is going blind but she leaves a comment almost every day. i respond to all that leave a comment. recently i had one new follower that left comments scattered through my blog. ...answered every one of them. the way i figure is that some might be super busy with their families or might be having health issues. and maybe too....they have soooo many blogs they're following. but when you see a blogger with 100-300 followers and only a handful of commentors, you gotta ask yourself why did all those people want to follow if they're not dedicated enough to leave a comment. even if this one can't relate to the topic,i try to say something. i've only an 8th grade education and can't write eloquently as others...but i don't let that stop me:)

    now i'm going to read your next post! ...then go home:)

  23. I know just how you feel. There was a time when I first started blogging that I visited one particular blog, every single day, never failing to leave a comment. I began to feel very much like you just described. After several weeks (and a few blog awards) she finally started following me back and leaving comments. Now, we're buds.

    I think some people feel like they need to know you are really reading their blog, not just hoping they'll show up and return your follow. Wait it out a while, and see what happens. But yes, it IS frustrating! :-)

  24. I'm glad to know someone else gets frustrated like this. It takes a lot of time for me to go out and read blogs and comment, and I make sure to comment on EVERY new person who comes to my blog's website, so they know I saw their comment. When someone never acknowledges me, it does grate on my nerves.

    I just try to revel in the huge amount of love that IS out there and the number of people who regularly follow my blog. It's hard sometimes, but that's what I focus on to ease my frustrations.

  25. This is such a strange issue. On the one hand, I've definitely felt insulted when I act as a faithful follower/commenter and the blogger doesn't even acknowledge my presence. On the other hand, there are times when I really love and appreciate someone for commenting regularly on my blog, but simply don't have the time to reciprocate.
    I've also noticed that as my blog grows, it becomes harder to keep up with everybody. Last year I had a couple dozen followers, and commented on their posts every single day. I felt like they were close, intimate friends. Now I try to follow the people who are kind enough to follow me, but I just don't have the time to comment any more (even though I'm still reading posts).

    Great topic!

  26. Stephen: No need to worry about being the minority. I really appreciate honesty - that's why I keep my posts honest too. We're all welcome to have our own opinions. That's what I love about the diversity of people in this blogsphere. I want real people, voicing real opinions. Thanks so much for your thoughts :) And I can definitely see it from your point of view too.

    Shannon: Thanks. I'll keep my head up!

    Melodygreen: Don't worry! Just do what feels right for you and things will fall into place :) That's what I did.

    Bud: Thanks for stopping by! I love seeing new faces! Nice to meet you. :)

    Shannon O'D: Yes I will wait it out. Thanks for the tip!

    B: Great minds think alike ;)

  27. Megan: Yes it does get very tough to keep up. I think we just have to do the best we can, and I suppose only when we really want to. After all - I suppose we shouldn't have to feel be obligated. But a simple small acknowledgment, every now and then, that you appreciate someone taking a peek at your blog, is all you need really.

  28. Hi TAA -
    I SO feel you on this one! Only I'm different in that if I continue to comment and it's not reciprocal,I'll unfollow.

    There are a few exceptions to that rule; those I follow that have thousands of followers. I don't expect a response back from them. And I agree with another of your commentors, I don't want someone following me that doesn't truly enjoy at least some of what I post.

    I really enjoyed this post and appreciate your honesty. :)

  29. I know what you mean. I "follow" about 150 blogs, and naturally, I'm not reading them all and commenting. But I do read and comment on the ones that encourage a relationship by showing interest now and then in mine. No hard feelings to the others!

  30. I'm a new blogger still, so I haven't been at it long enough to experience it, but I have experienced that sort of one-sidedness in other areas of my writing, and it is very frustrating. I believe very strongly in reciprocation.

  31. I think this is just the way it is. There are always lurkers - people who read but don't follow or comment. If someone doesn't reciprocate, I'll still follow their blog if I really like it. I just might not comment as often, or if I lose interest, I'll have no problem not reading as often.

    And I think all you have to do is click manage subscriptions and enter your email address and that should solve the problem of not receiving comments by email!

  32. Looks like you hit a nerve with this one! (Hi, I am a new follower here but don't think I've commented before now.) Yes, I have removed myself as a follower from some blogs where I have repeatedly commented, add myself as a follower, and I get zilch. I hate that. Not even an acknowledgemnt on their blog, let alone my own. I'm not talking once or twice, but numerous times ignored. That is maddening, and I stop following, because I don't want to keep seeing them come up on my dashboard. Life's too short. On the other hand, I have followers at my blog who never comment, and that's ok. Although I don't often go check the blogs of non commenters, simply because I lose track of followers. But if someone leaves a comment, I will check out their blog, and at the least say hi, thanks for noticing me or something to that effect.

  33. I comment! I comment! I swear, please don't whip me with the wet noodle. (Wait, that was for W day...) Hehe!

    Seriously, there are days I comment, there are days I lurk. Sometimes I have to be careful of when and what I comment, because I have been in a foul mood. I do try to at least say hi, great post, things like that. However, I have left rants when the blog has triggered a nerve. ;)
    Sometimes, I try to respond in emails and get the "donotreply" address. So, eh. I post a comment on my own blog more often than not.
    Sorry you are upset. Here, have a {{hug}} :D

  34. Well guess what AA-- during the April challenge I've added so many wonderful blogs to the ones that I follow that in May I am going to be doing major blog clean-up. That means the ones that I follow but don't follow mine are probably going to go. A lot of them provide good info, but it's the same info I already get in some of the magazines I get and books I have on my shelf. I like interaction and I'm not here to feed egos of pompous a-holes who think we bow down at their every post. Nope-- bye, bye! --- I'll feed the egos of the people that feed mine. I'll be friends with the people that would say hi to me on the street and maybe chat a bit and not a idol worshipper of some blog owner who thinks their word is the final word and they don't have to acknowledge me. Clean up time coming soon! Maybe I'll do a post about it.
    Blogging From A to Z April Challenge

  35. Some times it makes me feel insecure, rejected and hurt ... not really angry (I reserve that for those who use comments to rudely attack ... fortunately a rarity). I try to remember that it isn't possible for everyone to comment every day. I have noted that you put real thought into your comments and meant to tell you that I appreciate it! Not just your comments on my blog but those that I see you making on others as well. :) So let me just say ... THANK YOU! I appreciate you even when I don't drag myself out of my funk to say so! :)

  36. Please don't delete me!! I'll do better I promise!!!

  37. I guess I've always been a bit of a lurker.

    I wish I had the time to read every post on every blog I follow, then leave lovely, long, though-provoking comments. But unfortunately I just don't.

    I do the best I can though.


  38. Firstly everyone. WOW. I'm gobsmacked at the amount of attention this post has drawn. And another WOW for being so honest and upfront and not afraid to say how you feel. And another WOW for being able to share and not judge. You are all amazing.

    Lisa: I definitely agree that people with thousands of followers can in no wy keep up. Of course. I would not expect them to reciprocate. But you know, Elana Johnson does a pretty damn good job. She doesn't always leave a comment. But every now and then, she'll pop up to let you know she's been lurking, and that's just wonderful.

    Jill: I think that's great that you keep up with the one's that reciprocate. It's very much appreciated!

    Lisa K: yep - two-sided relationships are my thing too :)

    Laura: Yes I'm still following people who don't reciprocate becasue I simply enjoy reading it. Let's see what happens.

    Karen G: Welcome! Thanks for coming! I'll pop over to check out your blog as soon as I can! :)

    Caledonia: I know darling. I know ;)

    Lee: Appreciate your honesty. You have a very valid point. We as writers, I believe, are after all supposed to be supportive of each other.

    Beth: Thanks! That's very sweet! :)

    Slutface: NEVER!!!!!

    Lady Jane: Hi! I'm also new to your blog, I think after recieving the prolific blogger award. Is that correct? Looking forward to getting to know you :) Thanks for stopping by! It's much appreciated.

  39. I hear ya. I may not get to everyone's blog every day, but I do make a point of trying to at least respond to every comment on my blog. I will often bunch several responses in one reply. I don't want half my comments to be just me responding.

    I've found that the best place to find blogs to follow is in the comment section of other people's blogs. Just by the fact that they are there means the are open to commenting. That's half the battle.

    I've tried following blogs that other bloggers have recced, but that doesn't always work. I have a few like that on my blogroll. I'm thinking of unfollowing them. Not out of spite, but just practicallity. Gotta separate the wheat from the chaff, right?

  40. Guilty. But my life is never regular, nor full of time for giving all others their due for commenting on my blogs. And I never expect anyone to reciprocate if I write on their blog... which makes it all the more pleasant to receive comments when I don't expect them!

  41. :-/ I have been trying to follow Arlee's example when it comes to blogging... unfortunately I have gotten behind with commenting... with the A to Z challenge it can get overwhelming when you have a job and other responsibilities outside of the computer blog! :-) My husband has been such a trooper! Today is my catch up day because I don't want anyone to feel the way you feel... about me & my blog... Not everyone is sensitive to the principles or reciprocation. Just know you are doing a great job... :-)

  42. People forget that (unless you're a celebrity or selling something) blogging is a relationship. Those who don't return visits and leave comments for others are missing out on the best part of that relationship.

  43. Mary: That's what I do. Find new bloggers through others.

    Ginny: Well if you don't mind, that's one less stress. I wish I didn't mind. Thanks for dropping by my blog :)

    Tori: Hi! Everyone has busy lives and it's understandable. We're not super beings. I think it's great that you want to catch up. :) Thanks!

    India: I agree! New face :) Nice to see!


“I'm using my art to comment on what I see. You don't have to agree with it.” ~John Mellencamp

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace” ~Judith S. Marin

“I don't ever try to make a serious social comment.” ~Paul McCartney

“I'd make a comment at a meeting and nobody would even acknowledge me. Then some man would say the same thing and they'd all nod.” ~Charlotte Bunch

“Probably what my comment meant was that I don't care about the circumstances if I can tell the truth.” ~Sally Kirkland

“We're not going to pay attention to the silliness and the petty comments. And quite frankly, women have joined me in this effort, and so it's not about appearances. It's about effectiveness.” ~Katherine Harris