Most of us have someone in our lives which we love unconditionally - be it our son or daughter, our mother or father, or our spouse. These loved ones are connected to our hearts by an unspoken umbilical cord. No matter how much they hurt you, make you cry, or betray you, you will never hate them. You will never hate them because that umbilical cord can never be separated.Last night something happened in my family which has utterly emphasised this umbilical cord and how it unconditionally joins me to the catalyst of this mess. I wish I could grab a knife and sever it so that I wouldn't have to feel anything. I wish I could at least remove it for a while so that I could banish this person from my mind.
I'm not going to say how, or who, or what happened, but I am going to say that no matter how much I resent their actions, I will always love them, and for a reason I cannot quite explain, I feel sorry for them too, and wish I could be there to console them because I'm sure they are riddled with guilt. I also wish I could be there to curse, yell and punch the living daylights out of them.
The umbilical cord between me and this person may be fractured, but it will never ever be completely cut. I hope they know that - I hope they know that because I don't know when I'm going to find the courage to tell them that to their face.
Last night, not long after I heard the bad news, I went to bed. I dreamed of being burned alive - and I swear to god I could feel the pain on my skin. I don't know what that means. Perhaps it's a warning. Perhaps it means I should keep my mouth shut until everything settles down.
Such a beautiful post. I feel your pain. I understand how helpless you must be feeling because you can't do anything, and yet you can't cut yourself away.
ReplyDeleteTake care, Jessica.
~ Rayna
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ReplyDeleteI understand exactly what you mean. Sometimes, people just... *sigh* They don't always realize how much their actions will devastate someone they love. I'm sorry you're having this kind of pain. :(
ReplyDeleteAs far as your dream is concerned, I don't know, but I think it's probably a good idea to let things cool down a little first. But I don't know the situation, so don't necessarily take me too seriously.
Again, I'm sorry this happened. :(
Unconditional love is a powefulful emotion, A wonderful post and a pleasure to read.
ReplyDeleteYvonne,
I know the feeling. You can't just walk away. But it hurts to stay and love the person. Ahh. I feel you you.
ReplyDeleteJessica--So sorry you're going through this and that it's causing you pain.
ReplyDeleteThe interpretation for your dream is this, from Dream Moods site-"To dream that you are being burned by fire, indicates that your temper is getting out of control. Some issue or situation is burning you up inside."
If there is something you want to say to this person, I say write a heartfelt letter and maybe send it or maybe not, but get it down so you can release it. And if there is something you want for this person to acknowledge, tell them that in the letter but then let it go. Hope this helps hon, i don't want to see you burning up inside.
Beautiful post... though I am sorry about the circumstances that prompted it!
ReplyDeleteFire usually is about anger, in my experience.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your pain. I hope you make peace within yourself soon. :)
Fire usually is about anger, in my experience.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your pain. I hope you make peace within yourself soon. :)
I feel your pain. I've been on both ends of the chord and over the years learned to keep my mouth shut and simply love poeple. It owrks far better than opening my mouth and saying something really dumb.
ReplyDeleteStephen Tremp
This too shall pass. And hopefully in the passing, it will bring about something more beautiful than you can imagine right now, in the midst of the pain.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Lisa
I hope you're doing OK and taking care of yourself. Family stuff is always hard because we are so connected to them.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, sounds like a realy rough night. Hope you are okay. What a horrible dream...maybe you should go with your gut and keep quiet for a time...be well.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're doing okay, Jessica. I think your dream was a warning as well, to let things blow over before you say anything.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder what is worse, leave the cord intact, albeit damaged or severing it altogether.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm sending you hugs. I tend to have this unconditional thing in MOST of my relationships and it is NEVER easy. People, being people, fail at it, a lot. We can only do what we can do--accepting THAT helps. It isn't your problem or responsibility. It hurts to watch them hurt themselves (or you) but it's NOT YOUR STUFF. Just love them, but try to detatch. (I swear I've been here and feel so much sympathy)
ReplyDeleteWhat an honest and accurate post of what someone goes through in this obviously horrible situation. I know I love my boys unconditionally, althought they haven't 'seriously' tested that; we have been through an awful lot together.
ReplyDeleteYou are my 'style' of writer/blogger! Honest and genuine!! So glad I found you through Yvonne. She is one of my
angels now! :-) Following and will be back often to read more!!
Hugs,
Coreen
Family can be so vexing; bring pleasure and pain in equal measure. Some days, we just have to wait it out.
ReplyDeleteBut our thoughts about things are still valid.
Unless your a writer and prone to vivid dreams in your sleep.
Good luck with making peace with yourself.
............dhole
Thanks for all your wonderful comments and thought everyone. I hope you are all having a nice weekend ...
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to say what I want to say here, but I will just write this...
ReplyDeleteI hope they hear you and heal quickly. I am sorry for your place of hurt.
Michele
SouthernCityMysteries
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope everything turns out okay.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you went through but I can relate to what you are saying... and I have had some situations come up in my family that have made me wish the same... this too shall pass.
ReplyDelete