Most of us have someone in our lives which we love unconditionally - be it our son or daughter, our mother or father, or our spouse. These loved ones are connected to our hearts by an unspoken umbilical cord. No matter how much they hurt you, make you cry, or betray you, you will never hate them. You will never hate them because that umbilical cord can never be separated.
Last night something happened in my family which has utterly emphasised this umbilical cord and how it unconditionally joins me to the catalyst of this mess. I wish I could grab a knife and sever it so that I wouldn't have to feel anything. I wish I could at least remove it for a while so that I could banish this person from my mind.
I'm not going to say how, or who, or what happened, but I am going to say that no matter how much I resent their actions, I will always love them, and for a reason I cannot quite explain, I feel sorry for them too, and wish I could be there to console them because I'm sure they are riddled with guilt. I also wish I could be there to curse, yell and punch the living daylights out of them.
The umbilical cord between me and this person may be fractured, but it will never ever be completely cut. I hope they know that - I hope they know that because I don't know when I'm going to find the courage to tell them that to their face.
Last night, not long after I heard the bad news, I went to bed. I dreamed of being burned alive - and I swear to god I could feel the pain on my skin. I don't know what that means. Perhaps it's a warning. Perhaps it means I should keep my mouth shut until everything settles down.